First Blood First Serve Part 2 The Inevitable Sequel
by RockHead South Park
Summary: A few Months after Conner's rampage thru South Park He is given a second chance but to earn it he'll have to face his fears on an impossible mission deep in the Mountains and jungles of Peru. Throw in a missing children's choir a pair of French and British mercenaries five contorting Romanian sisters and a fruity club of explorers and you've got one hell of a sequel.
1. Chapter 1

ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS STORY EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE AND EVENTS ARE FICTIONAL ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED POORLY THIS STORY CONTAINS OFFENSIVE CONTENT AND THUS SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE.

{South Park Intro} *Intro starts on South Park as a battlefield with fire explosions and firefights breaking out!*

Les Claypool: "GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME." *Conner and the boys are in the uniform riding a military green school bus driven by Benjamin*

Conner: *takes cover on the school bus as bullets tear through it* "HOSTILE FORCES EVERYWHERE FIRE COMING FROM ALL DIRECTIONS!"

Les: "GOING DOWN DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND!" *The bus hits a mine and flips over killing Benjamin and several kids Conner drags a badly wounded Kenny to safety followed by the other boys.*

Conner: "AMPLE RATIONS HARD TO FIND PEOPLE CALLING FOR IMMEDIATE EVAC!" Les: "GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND!" Conner: *Tries to resuscitate Kenny*

Kenny: *Dying* "(Tell Stan's Mom I did my best I like her titties better than the rest) *dies*

Les: "SO COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE!" *A Drone targets Les Claypool and blows him to kingdom come with a missile.* {End intro}

Scene one. {Conner is in a deep pit in a rain storm waist deep in filthy water his body is covered with several cuts and bruises in addition to his already scarred chest, back shoulders stomach arms and face. He Narrates the story to us}

Conner VO: "Bring the kids home wipe the slate clean that was the deal I was offered My Name is Kurtz Conner 10222008 I'm a Sergeant in the United States Young Marine Corps.

*Close up on the Tattoo on Conner's right arm depicting an diving eagle holding a $1 and 5 cents in it's talons Freedom Costs a Buck O Five.* One Year ago I lost my entire family in Peruvian Pandemic.

*Flashsback to several silhouette stills of the Pandemic Depicting Conner's Family's last stand.* "They knew it was a losing battle from the start."

*Shows Dwight and and Benjamin's Silhouettes making a last stand against two guinea pigs*

*Gunfire* Dwight: "JUST GO GET OUT OF HERE WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU! *The Guinea pig begin climbing over the overturned Jeep*

Conner: "Dad Benjamin!"

Benjamin: "CONNER I PROMISE WE'LL CATCH UP!" *Guinea pig roar!*

Conner:" BENJAMIN!"

Benjamin: "CONNER JUST GO AND DON'T LOOK BACK!"

Sarah: "CONNER SWEETIE WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!"

Conner VO: "She saved my life" *Conner is attacked by a pair of dog sized Guinea Pig pups His arms chest face shoulders back and legs are clawed as he holds back one of them from biting him. His Mother tackles one of them tearing it off of Conner and throwing it to the ground before drawing a Sig Saur P226 and emptying it into one of them.*

Conner: "Mom Look Out!" Conner VO: "But at the cost of her own." *The Other Guinea Pup tackles her biting her wrist causing her to drop the gun and knocking her to the ground, Conner bloodied and scratched but still capable of fighting draws his knife and stabs it in the back several times inciting cries of pain from the animal until Conner slits it's throat*

Conner: *In tears* "Mom I'm scared!"

Sarah: "Shh Conner" *Coughs up some blood* "It's going to be okay."

Conner VO: "I tried to save her" Sarah: *Coughing up more blood.* "Conner I want you to promise me something I want you to promise me no matter what happens you'll be brave for me." *Coughs*

Conner: "I promise"

Sarah: "Mommy loves her little Marine so much." *Her eyes close*

Conner: "MOM? MOM? MOM?" *Flashes forward to the next morning Conner finds the wreck of the family jeep and his brother's body*

Conner: "Ben!" *tries to wake him up* "Come on Ben get up please you gotta up." *Breaks down crying as another Benjamin materializes behind Conner*

Benjamin: "Conner." Conner: "Ben!"

Conner VO: "Somehow my mind blocked off the memories of what happened next. He looked like Benjamin talked like sometimes it even felt like him. *A montage of Conner walking down a stretch of highway, hiking through a mountain pass, setting up a campsite and hunting for dinner plays in every scene a ghostly version of Benjamin manifests himself with Conner.* "He was my hero growing up someone who'd tell jokes to me cheer me up when I was feeling down I guess I wasn't ready to let go of him." "For over a year I was on my own in the wilderness this manifestation in my mind my only company I caught my own dinner, slept out under the stars and when nature called I used leaves." *A montage plays showing Conner cooking a rabbit sleeping under a tree and wiping his butt with leaves.*

"Then I came to a quiet Colorado Town Called South Park, met four boys at a bus stop." *Shows Conner meeting Stan Kyle Cartman and Kenny.* "That's when the shit hit the fan." *A montage of Conner's arrest booking and abuse at the hands of the Truant officers shows followed by Conner's snap and escape from the locked down school.*

"In the course of one day I managed to turn a quiet mountain town into a warzone" *Shows the school bus chase from the first story followed by the crash the foot chase and the showdown with the helicopter.* "With only my imaginary dead brother by my side I managed to take on the Local and State Police the National Guard and the ATF." *Shows a montage of Conner defeating the Truant officers destroying the ATF Helicopter and leading the boy's out of a collapsed mine tunnel.* * A montage of Conner's rampage plays as the voice over continues*

"Through it all my new friends stood by my side no matter what I dragged them through. Even when I lost it and went Rambo through the town after that school counselor they were only concerned with my wellbeing." *Shows Conner standing over a wounded Mr Mackey prepared for the kill.*

Mr Mackey: *Coughs* "Go ahead" *Coughs* "Go ahead GO AHEAD YOU CRAZY SON OF BITCH FINISH ME OFF M'KAY!"

Conner VO: "They stopped me from making a terrible mistake." *Shows Conner Fighting Mysterion in hand to hand combat Conner takes the upper hand*

?: *Gravely voice* "Listen to me Conner that's not your brother." Conner: "Your lying!"

Aura: "No it's true." *Benjamin appears out of the aura.* Conner: "Benjamin?" *Shows Conner's embrace of his brother and parents.*

Benjamin: "Listen to me Conner I want you to move on with your life forget the past." Conner: *Teary* "I can't I never got to say goodbye." Benjamin: "Then say it now." *Shows Conner being escorted by police from the school Stan Kyle Cartman Mysterion and Butters Salute him He returns it*

Conner: "Goodbye Benjamin." *The other kids join in saluting Conner followed by the parents the teachers the police and National Guardsmen and even the ATF*

Conner VO: "The Judge took pity on me and only sentenced me to the state minimum of 5 years in Juvenile Hall." *Shows Conner being processed in prison* "They took my rifle, sidearm knife and anything else I could use as a weapon but the judge did let me keep my family's tags I'm grateful for that at least." "Juvey wasn't so bad it was like summer liberty compared to this." *Conner looks up out of the wooden bars at the rain as a flash of lightning illuminate his face followed by a clap of thunder.*

*Flashes back to Conner in the lunch line being served slop and a cookie, preforming vertical pushups and reading The Little Engine That Could while the VO plays.* "As long as I behaved I got three meals a day I got to use the exercise yard and I got to check out books from the prison library." *Flashback to Conner reading in his cell.* Conner: "And then the little engine said I think I can I think I can."

An inmate next door: "Keep it down Rambo some of us are trying to make booze in the toilet." *Returns to the present*

Conner VO: "Imagine my surprise when Sergeant Halfcock paid me a visit offering me a way out early along with my choice of a foster home, enrollment in the Colorado Chapter of the Corps maybe even a full pardon from the President. All I had to do was Rescue some gay choir that went missing in the Andes." *Shows a map with a red trail leading from Colorado to Peru, Followed by images of documents, The Getting Gay with Kids Logo and Conner saluting Halfcock.* "Bring them home and wipe the slate clean should have been the easiest mission in the world." *Flashes back to the beginning of the mission.*


	2. Chapter 2

{Return from commercial break} *Conner walks through the processing station led by Gunnery Sergeant Barry Halfcock the man who trained him and the only person who understands him and followed by the boys minus Cartman. They walk to the desk where a Correction's Officer is sitting.*

Corrections Officer: "As the terms of your parole everything that was confiscated will now be returned." *He pulls out a bin and begins taking out several items* " One Woodland pattern battle dress uniform size 6 1/2 Standard Young Marine Corps issue. *He pulls out more*

Corrections Officer: "A pair of children's size 11 and a half combat boots black, One Young Marines standard issue Ka Bar combat knife, One Young Marines issue field pack, *Which He proceeds to empty it finding a mess kit, a first aid kit an I phone with a cracked screen, some rope, a can of insect repellent and several survivalists guides oh and a dirty stuffed bull dog with a Smokey Bear hat and a missing eye."

Stan: "Dude your 10 you have one of those?"

Conner: "Gunners a better comfort on a cold night than a bottle of Jack Daniels Stan." *Cartman crack ups behind him*

Conner: "Nice of you to join us Eric enjoy your little conjugal visit?" *Stan Kyle and Kenny Conner Halfcock and the Corrections Officer all burst into raucous laughter, While Cartman turns red with rage.*

Cartman: "Kurtz I swear if you don't shut up right now I'm gonna hit you with a rock."

Conner: *Looks him in the eye "You do realize who your threatening right?" *He cracks his knuckles*

Cartman: *Gulps and changes his tone to faux concern.* "Whoa Conner relax bra you want to throw away your chance at freedom when your so close?"

Conner: *Smiles at him.* "I thought so." *turns to the Corrections officer* What about my guns?"

Corrections officer: "The terms of your parole prohibit the possession and use of firearms as well as any weaponry class 4 and below."

Conner: "Class 4? I didn't nuke Main street I just messed it up a little." *Flashes back to Conner shooting out power transformers and blowing up Jimbo's Guns.*

Stan: "Dude You messed it up a lot."

Sgt Halfcock: "Your lucky that you don't have to pay for the damages."

Conner: "Was I really that bad?"

Cartman: "Dude we didn't have school for two months it was awesome!"

Kyle: "Yeah they tore it down and put up a new school my Dad said insurance paid for the whole thing."

Halfcock: "Probably why Mayor McDaniels agreed to support your parole."

Conner: "Is it any good?"

Kyle: "Actually kind of looks the same."

Conner: "Anyway we better get going *begins packing his bag* I don't want to stay here much longer than we have to."  
Kyle: "Yeah this place gives me the...

Kenny: (Trent Boyett!) *Stan Kyle and Cartman freeze in Horror as Trent is led to his cell by two guards:*

Trent: "Well Well Well look what got here I've missed you guys so much!" *Kenny screams and hides behind Conner along with Cartman*

Cartman: *Screams like a girl* Trent: "Warden say's I'll be out with good behavior in two years."

Cartman: *panically* "Oh look at the time Love to catch up with you Trent but Kyle's Mom's got cancer in her vagina and we gotta go right now."

Conner: "I'm not done packing hey!" *Cartman rapidly packs Conner's bag for him* Cartman: "There all packed" *throws Conner his field pack and runs as fast he can towards the door."

Conner: "Hey guy's what gotten into Cartman? Guys? *Stan Kyle and Kenny are gone too* *Throws his hands up*

Conner: "What's gotten into them?"

Trent: "It's a long story."

{Outside the prison} *A Bright Yellow Helicopter with the South Park Milk company Logo on it lands and Mrs Garfunk steps out.*

Mrs Garfunk: "We were running a little late so I decided to bring the company helicopter...*The Boys rush her by*

Cartman: "Yeah that's great lady but we got to go right now!" *The boys get on the helicopter. Conner and Sergeant Halfcock causally walk out.*

Halfcock: "What happened to the car?"

Mrs Garfunk: "I thought this would be faster."

Halfcock: "Fine by me." *They get in and the helicopter takes off*

Stan: "Phew We're safe now."

Kyle: "Do you think he meant it when he said he'd be out in two years?"

Cartman: *Cool* "Whatever that's like two years from now."

Conner: "Do you guys know Trent?"

Stan: "Conner there's something you need to know about Trent?"

Cartman: "Yeah He's a lying two timing Boner isn't that right Kyle?"

Kyle: "Yeah...Right"

Conner: "Oh" *Turns to Mrs Garfunk* "So what's this about missing kids that you want my help with?"

Mrs Garfunk: *Gives him a dossier.* "The Kids missing were part of the Getting Gay With Kids National Choir Program, They were in Peru performing a concert to stop the rainforest program when they disappeared the night before the concert." *Conner looks over the images of several of the children when one of them falls out of the folder and lands on the floor at Kenny's Feet*

Kenny: "(Huh?)" *Picks it up.* "(Kelly?)"

Kyle: "Hey Isn't that your old girlfriend Kenny?"

Cartman: "The one you held in all your farts for?" *suppreses a laugh*

Kenny: "(Don't remind me)"

Mrs Garfunk: " Let me see that." *Takes the photo from Kenny.*" Kelly Walters Do you know her?"

Kenny: "(We dated a while back.)"

Mrs Garfunk: "Oh." Conner notices a picture of 5 identical young girls along with them dressed in costumes and makeup.

Conner: *holds up the picture to Mrs Garthunk. "What about them?" Mrs Garthunk: *Takes the picture.* "Hm They're the famous Contorting Quintuplets from Romania I believe they were taking their act on tour with the choir group."

Stan: "Hold on did you say Quintuplets as in 5?"

Mrs Garthunk:" Yes why?"

Kyle: "Oh boy."

Mrs Garthunk: "You know these girls?"

Stan: "Long story short they've got a bit of a chip on their shoulders for us."

Conner: "Shit keeps getting better and better." *The Helicopter arrives at the headquarters of the South Park Milk Company, everyone gets off the helicopter and walks into the building.*

Sgt Halfcock: "Kind of an unusual place to be running a search and rescue operation for missing children."

Mrs Garthunk: "Oh I know it doesn't look like much from here but just wait until we get down below." *Mrs Garthunk leads them to the elevator where she opens a compartment and turns a key, the elevator descends down as an elevator music version of we fight for love by the Power Station plays. Finally the elevator doors open revealing a hi tech ops center with big screens, maps, servers and people working sitting at various stations*

Stan: "Whoa dude."

Kyle: "This is awesome."

Mrs Garthunk: "Welcome to the Nerve center from here we can track cases of missing children across the world I know it must be hard to believe but all this is for you Conner."

Cartman: *Using Shitter* "Wow this is totally big wait till my followers get a load of this,"

Kyle: "Oh God Dammit Not this fucking crap again."

Alec Baldwin: "I'm at a Art galley in Soho looking at this sculpture of a woman with four tits they're fucking awesome think I'll pick up a girl at the bar and fuck her brains out all night lo..." *Conner rips out Cartman's antenna and stomps them to pieces*

Kyle: "Thank you."

Mrs Garthunk: "Anyway If you'll follow me this way The President of South Park Milk company wants to speak to to you." *She leads them to a set of double doors* "2% *The guards open the door letting her in.* "This inner sanctum is only used for cases of children abducted overseas we rarely use it."

Sgt Halfcock: "Thank you Mrs Garthunk." *shakes hands with her* * A shadowy figure stands in the corner.*

Figure: "Mrs Garthunk Sergeant Glad you can make it." * The figure turns around revealing a grey haired man wearing a black and white spotted cow jacket.*

President: "Private Kurtz it's nice to meet you at last I'm the President of the South Park Milk Company."

Conner: *still a little confused.* "Uh thank you Mr President."

President: "Now then let's get down to business *takes out a dossier* Kurtz Conner Born November 10th 2003 San Diego California attended Willow Ridge Elementary school joined the Young Marine Corps in 2nd Grade Graduated Honorary Private, Your Drill Instructor was Gunnery Sergeant Barry Halfcock *Looks over at Halfcock* "That's you right?"

Halfcock: "That's right." President: "And you'd describe Kurtz as a Model Recruit."

Halfcock: "Yes I do takes right after his older Brother if you can believe it."

President: "Your Record speaks quite for itself Conner. Attended Vincent D O'nofrio Young Marines Academy 3rd grade. Awarded Merit badges for everything from basic marksmanship, survival, hand to hand combat, swimming, climbing, scuba diving, medical techniques, combat knives, along with outstanding physical fitness, and discipline along with First Place Young Marines martial arts tournament and marksmanship tournament, One hell of a reputation Reported Missing in Action presumed KIA during the Peruvian Pandemic along with your family sorry to hear that."

Conner: *looks down at his dog tags and smiles* "I've made peace with it."

President: "Well I'm glad to hear that. Now that we've gotten formalities out of the way let's get down to business. *picks up a remote and turns on a monitor behind him* Three weeks ago Getting Gay With Kid's was set to preform in Lima Peru at a concert to raise awareness about the dangers of the rainforest unfortunately their bus never arrived and was found abandoned on the road to the capital. * The monitor shows pictures of the bus abandoned on the side of the road.* Using the Kelrom 12000 our satellite's intercepted communications in the area involving the missing children that were not from national school board or the local police." *He takes out a tape recorder and plays it*

Recording: *Rough American Accent* "The continuing deforestation of the local rainforest has lead to a major blow for our operations in this region, our clients overseas have reported disappointment with the last few shipments however the acquisition of the choir tour is quite a find that more than makes up for it." *Another voice a child with a French accent speaks up*

Voice: "Nye Touchez pas de perverd batard." *Smack* Recording: "That one is proving to be a real handful *chuckles* We caught him filing the bars to his cell last night put two guards in the medical station before he was caught. anyway the shipment will be ready to move in 48 hours." *A girls voice comes through over the recording.*

Girl: *Terrified & teary* LET US GO! SOMEBODY ANYBODY PLEASE HELP US! *crying*

Recording: *The Man hits her* Shut up! *The child whimpers* "The shipment will be in your port by Friday." Yes Sir." *In the background the girls voice mutters a single word* "Lenny help me I'm so scared." *sobbing* *The recording stops*

President: "That transmission came from an area deep in the Andes Mountains previously thought to be uncharted." *places several photos on the desk showing the Incan Ruins and hieroglyphics."

Kyle: "Hey those are the Incan ruins we found when we got sent to Peru."

Cartman: "Yeah and then that Asshole turned out to be a Guinea pirate and tried to kill us."

Conner: *Looks at the pictures then turns to Stan and Kyle.* "You guys were there? how the hell did that happen."

Craig: *monotone* "It's all their fault" *Everyone turns to see Craig in the Briefing room* "They swindled me out of my birthday money, They promised to pay me back with interest, They got me arrested with them and all the other Peruvian Flute Bands, They got me stranded in the Valley of the Guinea Pigs with no way of getting back home, and then they..."

Cartman: "Stop being an Asshole Craig we didn't do nothing."

Craig: *montone* "Anyway long story short i fulfilled an ancient Incan prophesy stopped the guinea pirate and saved the world, and I never got my money back."

Cartman: "What are you doing here anyway Asshole?"

Craig: "These guys showed up at school and said they could get me out If I did something for them."

Stan: "Look what exactly do you want us to do?"

President: "We've gathered you here because you six are the only one's capable of pulling this off." You boys Survived the Guinea Valley so you know the terrain better than anyone, Conner You survived the pandemic and on your own for almost a full year in the wilderness." Your skills and ability to adapt and over come odds makes you a natural leader and Craig you have the most important part of all as...*Craig interrupts him*

Craig: "I won't do it."

President: "What?" Craig: "I said I won't do it."

Stan: "Craig this is serious those kids lives are in danger."

Craig: "So then go save them just leave me out of this."

Kyle: "Craig don't you care that those kids might never come home If we don't help them?"

Craig: "Of course I care look, look at how much I care. *He stares at them and flips them off.*

Halfcock: *Takes several steps toward him* "Why you chullo wearing little pinko..."

President: "Hold it Sergeant This isn't going to do us any good. *Turns to Craig.* "Craig is they're anything we at South Park Milk can do for you to change your mind."

Craig: "Can you get me my birthday money back?"

President: "Of Course with interest."

Craig:"And can you make it so they *points to the boys* Have to give it back to me in a parade in my honor."

Stan and Kyle: "What!"

Craig: "Along with a radio controlled Red Racer Car, those are my terms."

President: "Alright alright it's a deal"

Cartman: "Goddamn Craig always whining about his stupid birthday money." *Craig flips him off.*

President: "And what about you Conner?"

Conner: *Looks at the cliche photo of the Coir kids smiling together as Freedom isn't free by DVDA plays.* "What would you do If you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom?" *Conner remember's his day's at Boot Camp." "What would you do if you were asked to make the ultimate sacrifice?" *He remember's putting on his uniform for the first time.* "Would you think about all them heroes who gave up everything they had?" *He thinks back to his Parents and brother smiling.* "Would you think all about them war vets and would you start to feel bad?" *He imagines Standing at his Brother's grave.* "Freedom isn't free it costs folks like you and me." *He imagines looking up and seeing a bald eagle fly over him and poop on his head* "And if we don't all chip in we'll never pay that bill." *Shows Alan Jackson swimming in a pool filled with money* "Freedom isn't free." *Flashes back to him walking down a lonely highway past the South Park sign.* "No there's a hefty fucking fee." "And if you don't throw in your buck o five who will?" *He remember's getting his tattoo in Juvey.*

Cartman: "Dude can you shut off your IPod?"

President: "Oh whoops sorry." *turns off the music* "So Conner Will you do it."

Conner: *looks up at him.* "When do we leave?

{{Cut to Commercial.}}


	3. Chapter 3

{Return from commercial break}

We open at a hanger at Denver International Airport where the boys all suited up in parasuits are led by Sergeant Halfcock and the President to a waiting Black and white spotted C-130}

Halfcock: *Shouting over the roar of the engine's* You'll be landing in Peru in 15 hours I'd suggest you take the time to study the map and call signs you were provided with."

{{Jimbo and Ned are waiting for them in next to the plane.}}

Stan: "Uncle Jimbo what are you doing here."

Jimbo: "Hiya Stanley *Ned's struggling to carry a heavy crate onto the plane* I just stopped by to drop off some equipment for you boys to make sure your safe.

" Ned: "Mmm Jimbo a little help here?!"

Jimbo: "Come on Ned put your back into it."

Conner: "Heh Heh your not too sore about me burning down your gun store are you Mr Jimbo?"

Jimbo: "Oh that nah I was a kid once too besides I was planning to burn down the old place next week for insurance, I like you Kenner you've got gut's."

Conner: "It's Conner."

Jimbo: "Whatever, Well when you get back why don't you come hunting with us sometime."

Conner: "That sounds fun."

Ned: *losing his balance* "Mmm Jimbo I can't whoa whoa Whoaaa!" *loses his balance and falls with the crate on top of him spilling guns and ammo everywhere.* "Ow."

Jimbo: "God damn it Ned I turn my back for one minute and your already slacking off." *goes to help him out.*

Halfcock: *looks over at them and then back to Conner.* "Remember you only have 48 hours to get in find that Choir group and get back to the exfil point. so don't spend any time sight seeing."

Conner: "Don't worry sir you can count on me.."

Halfcock: "And try to bring at least one of those boys back in one piece."

Kenny: ("What?")

Halfcock: "Just kidding."

Kyle: "Hey Conner didn't your Parole officer say you couldn't carry a gun?"

Conner: "The less my parole officer knows the better Kyle." *shuts the plane door.*

12 hours later over the Andes mountains. {The Plane passes over. On board the boys suit up for their mission.} {Conner laces up his boots, Stan ties a headband to his head, Kyle dons a boonie hat, Cartman puts on a doo rag and applies black war paint to his face. Kenny zips up into a ghillie suit by taping twigs and leaves to his parka, Craig just flips the bird, The boys next choose their weapons. Conner picks up an old M16 Commando Carbine with a double magazine acog scope and an M203 grenade launcher. Kyle selects an Israeli Galil with a red dot sight and a grenade launcher. Kenny picks up a China Lake Grenade Launcher and a Spas 12 shotgun Stan chooses an Ithaca 37 shotgun and an M16 while Cartman goes full Rambo with an M60 LMG and Ammo belts. Craig decides to forgo guns in exchange for just a panflute.} {Conner steps out into the cargo bay where the other boys are waiting for him}

Craig: "Well Here we go again off on a plane headed for the valley of the guinea's along the four assholes who got me sent here the last time plus a mentally unstable jarhead who destroyed half the town, Why do I let these assholes get me into these kinds of situations?"

Stan: "Shut Up Craig your not gonna be a downer on this trip."

Craig: "Just remember I'm only doing this for my birthday money."

Conner: "Sure was nice of your Uncle to lend us this old cache from his service in Vietnam Stan. *picks up a 1911*

Stan: "Aw it was nothing *picks up some shells*"

Cartman: "Hey guys check me out I'm all like Rambo."

Kyle: "More like Fatbo."

Cartman: "Kyle I swear to god I've got a six pack of juice boxes, you keep breaking mah balls I'm gonna stink this cabin up."

Conner: "Look let's just go over the plan okay? *takes out an Ipad and opens Google earth* Our drop point is here about 35 miles SE of where we are now the site where the camp was spotted by satellite is about 15 clicks SW of here I say we stick together infiltrate the camp find those kids and get the extraction point at Machu Picchu."

Craig: "And this sounds possible to you?"

Conner: "Of course I'd say working together we've got a pretty good chance to *Is interrupted by Squeaking* Did you hear that? *draws his Commando* "Everyone I don't think we're alone on this this plane?"

Kyle: "Whoa Conner calm down dude"

Conner: "I don't know they got on board but they're here. everybody load your weapons and get ready for the fight of your..."

Craig: *interrupts him* "It's just Stripe."

Conner: "What?"

Craig :"He's my pet Guinea pig I brought him along." *Stripe climbs into Craig's hands* "As long as your here Stripe I'm so Happy."

Conner: "You brought that bloodthirsty rat on board with you?"

Craig: "It's just a guinea pig asshole!"

Conner: "Just a Guinea Pig! That thing is a killer!"

Craig: "Stripe is not a monster he's my best friend in the whole world."

Conner: "Make that Ex best friend cause He's going the fuck overboard."

Craig: "Over my dead body Major Pain in the Ass."

Conner: "If that's how you want it Craig." *He draws his Ka Bar.*

Craig: *Preforms a sumo Shiko stomp* Respect my Authoritah!"

Kyle: "Guy's this is no time to be fighting we got a job to do."

Conner: "Forget it Kyle I'm gonna gut that little rat and turn him into a dishrag."

Craig: "I'll shove that knife so far up your ass that your shit's are gonna split in half every time you take one." *An Ominous roar suddenly breaks the tension*

Stan: "What was that?"

Craig: *Eyes glow blue* "Oh Fuck." {{Up In the cockpit}

Pilot: "Gary I'm picking up something on radar headed our way."

Co Pilot: "That can't be right." *looks out the window.* "Oh My God." *Ominous roar*

Copilot: "What is that?"

Pilot: "Mayday Mayday" This is Milkman to Dairyland we've spotted an enormous flying creature it's HEADED RIGHT FOR US!

{In the cargo bay the boys hear the commotion coming from the cockpit as the object collides with the plane sending alarms blaring.}

Kyle: *shaken* "What the hell was that?"

Conner: "Everyone stay here alright I'll check it out." *Conner heads up to the cockpit door and opens it to find the pilots gone and the entire cockpit has been destroyed, The canopy roof has been torn off and the controls ripped to shreds and burned by a fire raging inside.* Conner: "Aw Dammit I had a feeling it was them." *Conner races down to tell the boys.*

Stan: "What happened?"

Conner: "Grab a parachute we're abandoning the plane." *Grabs a chute and puts it on.* C'mon move it!" *The boys plus Craig quickly get their chutes on as something begins clawing at the fuselage of the plane.*

Cartman: "Whimpering in fear" Conner: *Slaps him* GET IT TOGETHER NOW! MCCORMICK! GET OUT OF THAT FETAL POSITION AND GET READY TO JUMP! *Kenny stays in the fetal position crying and sucking his thumb.* *A Furry claw tears open the fuselage of the plane but Conner opens fire with his M16 hitting it and forcing it to retreat*

Conner: "IT'S ON TOP OF THE PLANE! *The claw breaks through again* STAN KYLE GET THE CARGO BAY DOOR OPEN WE'RE GONNA JUMP FOR IT!"

Stan: "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Conner: "THIS PLANES FINISHED WE NEED TO BAIL OUT."

Kyle: "COME ON STAN THERE'S NO TIME!"

Conner: "CRAIG GET CARTMAN AND MCCORMICK OUT OF THE FETAL POSITION AND GET THEM OVER HERE PRONTO!"

Craig: "Your not in charge of me."

Conner: "WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU GUINEA PIG FUCKING FAIRY?!

Craig: "YOU SON OF A BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!" *Meanwhile Kyle tries to get the door open.*

Kyle: *Struggles to pull the cargo bay door lever* "COME ON OPEN YOU SON OF A BITCH!" *He manages to get it open* *Ominous roar*

Kyle: *SCREAMS*

Conner: "KYLE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU OH MY GOD IT'S IT'S A GUINEA DRAGON! *A massive flying Guinea Dragon swoops in and launches a fireball that hit's the right engine sending the plane crashing into the Andes*

Conner: "IT'S NOW OR NEVER JUMP! *He throws the boys one by one out of the plane with parachutes until he's all alone, Before Conner can make the jump the plane's fuel ignites blasting him out of the plane and into a deadly spin.* *Conner trying to avoid blacking out reaches for his ripcord and pulls it releasing his chute which tangles up*

Conner: *Tries to catch his breath when he notices the the Guinea dragon flying right for him.* *singing while he cuts away his chute* "GORY GORY WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE GORY GORY WHAT A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE!" * He cuts through one strap but the Guinea dragon is closing in.* "GORY GORY A HELL OF A WAY TO DIE!" *Cuts the other strap just as the Guinea Dragon swipes his chute.* "AND HE AIN'T GONNA JUMP NO MORE!" *

He plummets to the Earth.* "IF MY MAIN DON'T OPEN WIDE, I'VE GOT A RESERVE BY MY SIDE!" * He starts to black out* "AND IF THAT ONE SHOULD FAIL ME TOO LOOK OUT GROUND I'M COMING THRU!" *reaches for his rip cord* "I WANT TO BE AN AIRBORNE RANGER I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE OF DANGER!" * He pulls his rip cord and deploys his chute in time* "OORAH! PRIVATE CONNER KURTZ SENDS HIS REGARDS YOU FURRY BASTARD!" *He looks out in the distance and sees Stan and the boys have deployed their chutes safely.* "Hold on Guy's I'll find you." *He blacks out* *

Six hours later Conner awakens to find his tangled chute strung in up in some trees, he pulls his knife and cuts himself loose sending him crashing to the ground below.* "Get Up Conner We have to find the other Boys." *Conner looks up to see his Brother offering his hand to him.*

Conner: "Benjamin?"


	4. Chapter 4

{Return from Commercial break.}

{Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Craig are walking through the rainforest after parachuting to safety.}

Craig: *Dull* "When you guys got on that plane with Conner and said you would do this did it ever cross your mind that we might crash into the mountains with no means of escape? Of course not that's why everyone at school thinks your assholes and doesn't talk to you."

Cartman: *Groans* "Oh my fucking God Craig are you gonna whine the entire way.?"

Craig: *Dull* "I was promised my birthday money, I was promised I could get out of school, I was promised nothing would go wrong this time."

Stan: "Craig none of us wanted to get shot down in the middle of the rainforest okay You act like we wanted to jump out of a burning plane into the forest."

Craig: *Just flips him off.*

Kyle: "Look guys right now we need to work together and find Conner."

Craig: "He's probably dead you know."

Stan: "He's not dead Craig."

Craig: "How do you know?"

Stan: "Because he survived being hunted by the police and national guard for two days, And led us out of the mine when it collapsed."

Craig:"So?"

Stan: "So the way I see it we owe him the same."

Craig: "You guys can go search for him If you want but Stripe and I are getting out of here . *He turns and walks off in the other direction."

Kyle: "Craig we need to stick together."

Craig: *Flips him off and walks offscreen.*

Cartman: "Fine! Take your stupid butt plug of rat and get lost asshole!" *Blue lasers shoots at Cartman hitting him in the butt.*

Cartman: "Ay what the hell?"

Craig: "It wasn't me this time?"

Cartman: "Yeah Huh!"

Craig: "Nuh Uh"

Cartman: "Yeah Huh."

Craig: "It wasn't me this time I swear it."

Cartman: "Well then who the fuck was it?" *Craig holds up Stripe Who's eye's are glowing blue like Craig's did.*

Stan: "Whoa Dude!"

Kenny: ("That's awesome!")

Kyle: "Craig how are you doing that?"

Craig: "I don't know." *Stripe fires a laser from his eyes chopping down a tree that almost crushes Kenny.*

Stan: "Jesus Christ Dude!." *The boys look at Stripe in shock.*

Stripe: "Squeak!"

Kyle: *Surprised* "I wonder what Conner's up to?"

{{Elsewhere in the jungle Conner and Benjamin are running through the jungle together.}}

Conner: *Pant* "So *Pant* Benjamin tell me something, Is it really you or did I just hit my head on the way down?"

Benjamin: *Laughs* Maybe I am maybe I'm not."

Conner: "I haven't seen you in months, Juvey shrink say's I'm making progress."

Benjamin: "You told her all about me huh? Your dead brother who lives in your head?"

Conner: "Yeah he thinks your a manifestation brought on by my post traumatic stress disorder, that I created you in my mind to cope with the loss."

Benjamin: "Do you think it's the real me this time?"

Conner: "Hard to tell, your just as much of a joker as ever."

Benjamin: "And your still tagging along with me wherever I go." *They reach a clearing in the jungle and stop at the base of a small waterfall. Benjamin kneels down and takes out a pair of binoculars.*

Benjamin: "Conner take a look over there." *hand him the binoculars.*

Conner: *Looks through the binoculars*

Benjamin: "Over there to the SE" *Conner spots a clearing in the trees*

Conner: "Could be a village."

Benjamin: "In this place?"

Conner: "Good point let's go check it out." *Get's up and follows Benjamin through the woods* "How are we getting down?"

Benjamin: "Shhh do you hear that?" *Sound of a Helicopter's rotors.*

Benjamin: "Get Down!" *Grabs Conner and pulls him to the ground* *A UH1 Huey flies over them shining a spotlight through the jungle canopy.*

Conner: "Most tribal villages don't one of those in the garage."

Benjamin: "I think we found our camp the question is will we find our choir tour as well?"

Conner: "How do you know about the choir tour?"

Benjamin: "You forget Bro I'm inside your head most of what I'm saying your thinking."

Conner:"Is that because your not really here?"

Benjamin: "Or I'm still in heaven with Mom and Dad and I'm just putting thoughts in your head take your pick?"

Conner: "Whatever so *holsters his M16* You feel like heading down river?"

Benjamin: "Lead the way Gunny Din."

{Back in Colorado.}

Kelrom 10000: "Scan negative no sign or response from Conner Kurtz or team?"

Sgt Halfcock: "Well Keep Scanning."

Kelrom 10000: "Affirmative." *Gunnery Sergeant Halfcock, The Company President and Mrs Garthunk are in the situation room watching the monitor for signs of Conner and the Boys."

President: " It's been 6 hours he would have contacted us by now."

Sgt Halfcock: "It's possible he's still alive."

President: "Well then what about his tracking beacon?"

Sgt Halfcock: "It could have been lost in the crash, they did have to bail out prematurely."

President: "We should pull the plug, get them out of there, It's too dangerous to continue the operation."

Sgt Halfcock: "Now hold on He's got 42 hours left let's give him some time."

Mrs Garthunk: "I feel partially responsible, We sent six young boys into the middle of nowhere, *begins losing her cool* They're probably dead."

Sgt Halfcock: "I wouldn't bet on that, If I know Conner It's gonna take a hell of a lot of more than this to kill him."

President: "You sound pretty confident Sergeant."

Sgt Halfcock: *drinks a glass of milk* "Conner's the finest Young Marine I've ever had the honor of training, He sticks to the mission all the way through, He never gives up or gives in, He gets the job done and never leaves a kid behind." *puts the glass down* "I'm confident Mr President because I've seen him in action and I know he'll bring those kids, home all of them."

President: "Well, I hope your right Sergeant."

{{Back to the boys.}}

{The Boys have been walking for hours now.}}

Craig: "We're lost."

Cartman: "We're not lost Craig we just don't know where we are."

Craig: "That's what lost means assholes."

Cartman: "Well then Mr chosen one why don't you use your supernatural laser eyes to show us the way?

Craig: "It doesn't work like it?"

Cartman: "Why not?"

Craig: "I don't know it just doesn't." *Suddenly Stripe starts acting strange, He begins squeaking wildly and runs off in a certain direction.*

Kenny: ("What's up with him?")

Craig: "I don't know he's never done this before."

Kyle: "He's going into the bushes." *The boys follow Stripe into through the jungle*

Craig: "Stripe come back!" *Stripe stops just as suddenly as he started, He just stands there and lets out a threatening whine.*

Stan: "What's wrong with him Craig?"

Craig: "What is it Boy what's wrong." *Stripe holds firm and whines as something massive moves through the trees.*

Kyle: "Uh Guy's?"

Cartman: "What?" *Guinea roar.*

The Boys: "AHHHHHHH! GUINEA CREATURE!" *A gigantic live action guinea pig crashes through the forest knocking down several trees.*

Cartman: "Fill it full of lead!" *The boys open fire with everything they got but their bullets don't even slow the guinea pig down."

Stan: "It's no use our firepower has no effect!" *The boys all curl up the fetal position as the guinea creature closes in when suddenly a tune stops the creature in it's path, As suddenly as it attacked the Guinea creature goes back into the jungle thicket.*

Stan: "It, it just walked away."

Craig: *Holding a panflute* Your welcome." *smiles smugly*

Cartman: " We didn't need your help Craig we almost had him until you scared him away."

Craig: "Sure you did Rambo."

Cartman: " I'm serious aren't I guys."

Kyle: "Let's just find shelter it's getting dark."

Cartman: "Fine I'm gonna go bag a Guinea creature by myself."

Stan: "Okay Cartman Have fun."

Kyle: "Yeah See Ya."

Craig : *flips him off.* *The boys leave Cartman.*

Cartman: "I'll show ya, I'm gonna bag a Guinea Creature all by myself and it'll be easy." *Thunder clap*

Cartman: "Uh guys?" *Rain begins falling." *Guinea Creature Roar.*

Cartman: "Hey Guy's wait for me."

Craig: "Hey Cartman back from the hunt?"

Cartman: "I figured you guys might need some protection because it's dangerous at night."

Craig: "Sure you did."

Cartman: "Can't just leave you guys to fend for yourselves." *A guinea pig roar startles Cartman to grab onto Kenny peeing himself.*

Kenny: ("Get off me dude!")

Cartman: "I'm just watching out for you Kenny."

Kenny: ("Is that pee?")

Cartman: *lies* Uh no that's just sweat it's pretty hot." *Kenny rants at Cartman for peeing on his leg while Craig cradles Stripe.*

Craig: "Heh Heh Good one Stripe." *Stripe lets out a loud Guinea roar startling Cartman again."

Kenny: *Rants*

Cartman: "I'm not scared Kenny I was just startled."

Craig: "I don't care if we're lost in the jungle, as long as we're together Stripe I'm so happy." Besides we can always eat the others."

{Cut to Commercial.}


	5. Chapter 5

{{Return from Commercial break.}}

{Open with a shot of the prison camp.} *Conner and Benjamin lie prone on a hill over looking the camp through binoculars.*

Conner: I count about 23 in the camp, eight in the central guard tower four watching the front gate, patrols of about two to four here and there and *looks over at some guard dogs as lightening flashes* "Whoa some real nasty looking dogs, What I don't get is why a camp so large has so few guards?"

Benjamin: "Maybe they're on patrol or something?"

Conner: "In this jungle?"

Benjamin: "Yeah that is a good point. *Spies something in his binoculars* Looks like theirs something going on in that large hut over there!"

Conner: *looks over at the hut to see flashing lights and weird Euro music.* "Are they taking in a show?"

Benjamin: "Could be the chance we need let's go." *get's up and heads for the camp.*

Conner: "I'm getting a real sense of Deja vu from this." *Follows him down the hill towards the camp* *suspenseful jungle music plays* *They duck down in behind the rocks and take cover from a searchlight in the guard tower, Benjamin gestures I see lookout in the tower take him out, Conner nods and attaches a suppressor to his rifle,* *Phew phew thud crash*

Benjamin: *whispers* "Tango down nice work." *They spot two more at the base of the tower having a smoke. Conner shoots one down but before the other can spot them he is dragged into a hole and killed.* *Puzzled Conner and Benjamin head up to the hole and notice someone has beaten the soldier to death.*

Conner: "Gophers?"

Benjamin: "Conner go on through and scout around the camp I'll try to find another way in."

Conner: "Right you do that." *Climbs into the hole and looks up at Benjamin*

Benjamin: "Don't worry they won't see me."

Conner: "Can't see what's not really there." *Salutes Benjamin, Benjamin returns it* *

Conner: *turns on his flashlight and follows the tunnel under the camp* "Now I know what a Mole feels like, two and half years at the USYMC Academy for this shit." *Suddenly he hears something moving in the area.*

Conner: *Thoughts* "What was that?" *Draws his M1911 and surveys the tunnel, his eyes darting around until he sees a Mole squeak and scurry away.* "Just a mole. *He lowers his gun* It's just a...*He is suddenly smacked in the back of a head with a shovel and goes down, fighting the throbbing pain in his head he draws his gun and fires twice*

"Ne Terez Pas!" ((Don't shoot.)) *Conner looks up as his vision clears to see a Young Boy about his age with messy dark hair a dirt covered Getting Gay with Kids shirt and bandolier, brown pants and combat boots* "Your not one of z'em?" *Conner pistol whips him* "Ce qui la baise!" (What the fuck!)

Conner: "That's for hitting me with a shovel asshole." *Conner helps him up and gets punched in the jaw for his efforts*

"And z'at's for shooting at me and pe'stol whipping me in the z'e face Az'hole!"

Conner: "Okay I kinda deserved that so we're even."

"That depends Mon amie.",

Conner: "On what?"

*holds out a cigarette.* "Got a light?"

Conner: " I got Gum."

"Keep it."

Conner: "Well as long we're down here would you mind telling me your name Mon Amie?"

"Z'hey call me Ze Mole."

Conner: "Name's Conner Sergeant Conner Kurtz United States Young Marine Corps."

Christophe: "Another Military P'eeg."

Conner: "Fine way to treat your rescue party fleabag."

Christophe: "You a've a way out of z'his valley?"

Conner: "Depends,is their a radio here?"

Christophe: "Z'he guards a've one in z'he Hut on z'he NW side of Z'he camp."

Conner: "Great then we can find the Choir tour and get out of here"

Christophe: "Who z'ent you?"

Conner: "Some milk company in the ass end of the Colorado."

Christophe: "Would z'is place 'appen to be South Park?"

Conner: "Yeah why?"

Christophe: "De lon bonne chance a' tous, ((Of all the good luck.)) We have a lot to discuss."

{{Meanwhile The boys have found shelter in a very familiar place."}}

Craig: "Out of all the places in this asshole valley we had to seek shelter in it had to be this one." *Craig looks up at the prophecy wall with him on it.*

Craig: *Looks at his picture on the wall.* "Shut up."

Stan: *Warms his hands in front of a fire with the other guys*

"Well At least we've got shelter for tonight Craig."

Craig: "But what about Tomorrow? We only have enough supplies to last us one more day we haven't seen any sign of Conner and no way to call for help."

Kyle: "I'm sure Conner's still alive out there somewhere Craig, He can handle himself."

Craig: "I'm not concerned about him He's the only one who has a radio."

Stan: "He's our friend Craig, He saved our lives from that collapsed mine."

Craig: " And then he proceeded to destroy half the town."

Stan: "That's not his fault Craig He's just...got some problems."

Craig: "He threatened to gut Stripe into a dishrag."

Kyle: "I'm sure he didn't mean it Craig, Sgt Halfcock said he's got some bad memories of the Pandemic."

Craig: "He's got bad memories of the pandemic? Did he get swindled out of his birthday money too." *Stripe crawls away and looks up at the Hieroglyphics of Craig on the wall.* Craig: *Distant.* "Did he get arrested by the authorities and sent to a detainment center?" *Stripe stares at the hieroglyphics as Peruvian flute music plays, suddenly his eye's start glowing.* Craig: *Distant* "Did he get sent to the Andes mountains and left with no means of escape, and wind up fulfilling an ancient prophecy that he wanted no part of? *Suddenly lasers fire from Stripe's eyes into the hieroglyphics, flowing into them a source of mysterious blue power, The glyphs begin to glow bright blue as the power flows through the room*

Kyle: "Uh Craig."

Craig: "Don't interrupt me Kyle."

Stan: "Dude look."

Craig: "I'm not looking." *The energy flows from the walls to the floor, in a strange outline.*

Kenny: ("Craig I'm serious everything's turning blue?")

Craig: "I don't care." *The floor begins rumbling and pulsing with light as if something has been activated.*

Craig: "Oh My God What the hell did you guys do?"

Kyle: "We didn't do nothing dude I swear."

Cartman: "What are you trying to blame this on us for?"

Kenny: ("Look!") *Points to Stripe.* *Dust begins to fall from the ceiling as the floor hieroglyphics begin to glow with a blinding light.*

Craig: 'Stripe?...What are you doing?" *The beams of light from the floor glow brighter and brighter levitating Craig and Stripe off the floor.* Craig: *nervous* "Stripe this isn't funny anymore I mean it's kinda cool but it's getting sorta creepy." *Suddenly beams of light shoot from the eyes of Craig's Glyph and into his, The light glows so bright it blinds the Boys."

Craig: "GUYS THERE'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT I HAVE TO TELL YOU!"

Kyle: "WHAT!" *Craig flips them off.*

Cartman: *cups his hands* " FUCK YOU CRAIG!" *The bright shoots out of the temple roof and into the sky, When the smoke clears Craig and Stripe are gone."

Cartman: "WELL SERVES YOU RIGHT ASSHOLE." *In a another time or place maybe another dimension maybe another world Craig awakens*

Craig: "Where..Where am I?" *He sees Stripe in front of him.*

Stripe: *Communicates Telepathically through his glowing eyes in a deep voice.* Stripe: "Welcome Chosen one we have much to discuss."

Craig: *Jaw Drops in awe!* "Holy Fucking Shit on a Flaming Shingle."

*Meanwhile Conner and Christophe get some bonding time in while tunneling.*

Christophe: *grunts and sweats from digging* "And z'hen *grunt* I was pulled back down to Earth and back into my own body." *grunts* I still have z'he scar on my stomach from where z'hose filthy dogs tore out my kidneys, *grunts* and z'hen top it all off z'e next day my stupid mother went out and bought me a puppy, A FUCKING PUPPY!" z'ey are truly filthiest of all of God's Faggot creatures, What about you what's your story?"

Conner: "It's a long Story but to make it short I lost my parents and older brother in the Pandemic."

Christophe: *softens for a moment.* "Je suis." ((I'm Sorry)) "I'm sorry to hear that."

Conner: "I survived on own for almost a year until I came to South Park, in two day's I managed to attract the attention of the local and state police, the FBI The National Guard and the ATF."

Christophe: "What did you do?" Conner: "I kinda brought a gun onto school grounds, caused about 11 million dollars in damage. destroyed a helicopter full of ATF assholes and put a truant officer in a testicular vegetative state."

Christophe: " Mon' Ane I thought I was bad." ((The normal phrase in French is Mon Dieu but given The Mole's apathy toward God I figured this phrase My Jackass suited him better.))

Conner: "Milk Company came to me with an offer, Said If I could bring these kids back in one piece they might be able to get a pardon from the Governor."

Christophe: "And you believe them."

Conner: "Haven't got much of a choice, If you don't mind me asking how did you get into this mess anyway?"

Christophe: "My Beetch Mother signed me up for it said it would do me some good, next z'hing I know I'm singing and dancing like a little faggot about destroying z'he rainforest and right before opening night z'hey snatch us up and throw us in here."

Conner:"Who are these people."

Christophe: "Retouchers enfants bout a bout." ((People who touch children in the butt.))

Conner: "What?"

Christophe: "Z'hey z'themselves z'he Super Adventure Club."

Conner: "Good God."

Christophe: "Don't even get started on z'hat pussy, anyway I've spent z'he last two weeks tunneling under z'he camp and soon we'll all be able to escape z'his hell, Now If my map is correct we should be right under z'he Guards hut."

Conner: "How accurate is your map?"

Christophe: "Made it myself. *checks his map.* "Ce qu'il est." ((This is it.)) *Christophe tunnels a way out for them.*

Christophe: *Climbs out and helps Conner up.* "Shhh" *whispers* "z'his is it, batards (Guess it.) always leave a couple on duty, We must be quick about it." *Crawls under the hut* * They can hear the guards talking in the hut.* one steps out for a smoke.*

Guard: *British accent.* I'm going out for a smoke lads anyone want to join me?" Guard: *Australian accent* " Nah we're good just don't be gone too long mate." *The guard steps out of the hut.*

Conner: *Whispers* "I got this one." *Raises his M16 and shoots him in the neck*

Christophe: *whispers* "Joli Coup ((Nice Shot.)) You are quite z'he marksman." *drags his body under the hut.*

Conner: "I've had practice."

Christophe: "Merde!" ((Shit)) "He does not have z'he keys, One of the others has z'hem."

Conner: "No problem." * Rolls on his back and listens to the floor boards*

Guard: *Russian accent.* "So when will he be back?"

Guard: *Australian accent.* "You know Nigel he pisses like a race horse with that prostate of his."

Guard: *Vietnamese accent.* "Ha ha ha He'll be out all night."

Christophe: "Watch are you doing?"

Conner: "Just watch." *Taps the floor of the hut with the barrel of his rifle.*

*Inside the hut* Guard: *Russian accent* "What was Noise? *Is suddenly shot several times through the floor.*

Guard: *Australian accent* "Bloody Hell...YARGH *Is shot in the chest three times*

Guard: *Grabs a gun off the shelf* YOU DIE JOE...YAAAAAAAARRRRGH! *Is riddled with bullets and falls over.* *Below the Guards hut Conner lowers his rifle from the floor.*

Christophe: "Impressionnant"

Conner: "Merci." *The two battle hardened boys crawl out from under the tent and enter the guard house, Christophe begins rifling through the dead guards pockets while Conner Keeps a look out.*

Christophe: "Magnifique."

Conner: "Find the keys?"

Christophe: "And a bonus." *holds up a lighter and lights up his cigarette.* "And one for you too Mon amie." *He unlocks the cabinet on the wall revealing a small arsenal of guns and ammo

Conner: "Everything I asked Santa for." *They help themselves to rack of weapons, Conner taking an M14 rifle with a night scope and Christophe picks up an Ithaca 37 shotgun and shells and an Uzi."

Christophe: "Conner Mon Amie *locks the shotgun I think this is z'he start of a wonderful partnership."

{Cut to commercial.}


	6. Chapter 6

{Return from Commercial}

*Conner and Christophe survey the large round prison hut with binoculars from behind some crates*

Christophe: *whispers* "z'his is 'the place the foul bastille where z'hey keep locked up us at night.."

Conner: *whispers* "I count four tangos on the balconies armed with rifles and one more in the guard tower behind it. *unslings his M14 and looks down the scope.* Let's take this nice and slow."

*Two of the guards on the balcony head inside.*

Christophe: "Looks like two of the "Salauds" {Dirty bastards} just stepped inside for a conjugal visit."

Conner: "These are some real sick bastards." *watches the guards in the tower through his sights* Okay I'll take out the guards in the tower then you head over to free the choir I'll stay here and keep these bastards off your back." *pats him on the shoulder* When It's all clear I'll flash my knife against the searchlight okay?

Christophe: "You better have my back Marin." {Marine} *Conner takes aim at the guards in the high tower while Christophe moves up toward another stack of crates.*

Conner: *Thinking* "Guy in the watch towers turned his back, big mistake. *takes a deep breath and fires hitting him in head.* "Goodnight"

*Looks down to see Christophe moving up the prisoner hut's ladder. and another guard stepping into the view from the left. "Got two more on the platform *shoots one in the head sending him over the railing.* "His friend's coming back." *adjusts his scope to spot another guy coming from the right. Conner fires hitting him in the head and sending him crashing thru a table alerting the guards inside.*

Conner: "Shit."

Christophe: "Merde!"

Guard: *French accent.* "What was that?" *zips his fly up and drops a pantless little boy he was holding.*

Guard: *Congo accent.* "We better take a look" *picks up an AK47* *They head outside to take a look while Christophe takes cover behind the door, Meanwhile Conner gets them in his sights when suddenly he is grabbed from behind."

Benjamin: "Shh"

Conner: "Benjamin I was wondering when I would start seeing you again."

Benjamin: " The shit's about the fan the guards found the body in the watch tower." *Meanwhile Christophe continues to hide from the guards."

Christophe: *Thoughts* "what z'he hell are you waiting for Conner?" *The guards notice the body on the table.*

Guard: *Congo accent* " He's dead sound the alarm!"

Christophe: "Oh baiser cette!" ((Oh fuck this.)) * With a battle cry he attacks the Congo guard from behind with his shovel bringing him down a smash to the knee followed by an upper cut to the chin and finishing him with blow to the head*

French Guard: "Sacre Bleu." An intruder! *Christophe is forced to fight him with a shovel while Conner converses with Benjamin*

Conner: "We've found the missing choir as soon as the Mole gives...Oh God THE MOLE! *Realizes he's forgotten all about Christophe Conner takes aim again just in time to see his comrade silence the guard with a shovel uppercut to groin causing him to fire his FAL rifle into the air.*

French Guard: *High pitched voice* Vous sale petite merde!" *Christophe stops him in the groin causing him to scream in falsetto.*

Christophe: "Mon deau *laughs* c'est hilarant!" *He proceeds to curb stomp the guards testicles flat with his boots the guard repeatedly screaming higher and higher in pitch until he passes out.*

Conner: "Never mind looks he's alright."

Benjamin: "The guards will have certainly heard the shots let's go." *The two brothers move down the hill and up the ladder to meet up The Mole.*

Christophe: "Ou' diable 'etais-tu. Where the hell where you?"

Conner: "I...thought I heard something."

Christophe: "You said you had my back."

Conner: " We did I mean I did."

Christophe: "You better get your shit together Kurtz don't let it happen again." *The enter the hut and Conner sees how the children are treated. Many are pantless cold shivering covered with bruises and cuts, mud. and bugs.*

Conner: "Oh my God just hold on *opens the cell door* we're going to get you out of here. *One of the girls grabs onto him and breaks down sobbing* Conner: *comforts her* It's going to okay we're gonna get you out of here."

"So your the entire rescue party?" *A blonde haired boy with a British accent steps forward.*

Conner: "That's right. who are you?"

"My name's Gregory I'm the leader of the prisoners here,"

Conner: "Private Conner Kurtz USYMC nows not really the time to get acquainted."

Gregory: "Well so where's our rescue?"

Benjamin: "This Limey's a real optimist."

Conner: "Tell me about it."

Gregory: "What was that?"

Conner: "Nothing." Listen we only have a few minutes until they discover us I want you to wait here until I give the signal then I want you to head for the tunnels." *Reloads his M16*

Gregory: "What Signal What tunnels?"

Conner: "Christophe will show you won't you Christophe?"

Christophe: "Oui."

Gregory: "What about you?"

Conner: "You worry about your own hide pretty boy and go for the tunnel under the guards hut when the shooting starts." *releases the bolt*

Gregory: "Your going to take them on alone? Are you mad?"

Conner: "You don't want to know." *Smiles over at Benjamin.*

{Meanwhile back at the temple.}

Stan: "Dude Craig's been gone a long time."

Kyle: "You think he was vaporized or something?"

Kenny: (("I don't know?"))

Cartman: "I don't care where the hell he is all he ever does is complain."

{Meanwhile where ever the hell Craig and Stripe are.}

Craig: "Stripe You can talk."

Stripe: {{Voice of Matt Stone.}} "Actually I'm communicating with you telepathically."

Craig: "Meh still pretty cool."

Stripe: "Time is short so I'll keep it brief As you know this valley has been the home of the guinea creatures who for centuries have been kept here by the music of the panflute bands but there is also a story you are not aware of."

Craig: "Am I gonna shoot lasers out of my eyes again?"

Stripe: "Probably."

Craig: "Nice."  
Stripe: "Anyway the peruvian panflute was created hundreds of years ago by the guardian of this valley Cuymosabe. *an image of Craig wearing peruvian garb and carrying a panflute appears in front of them. *Cuymosabe was a wise and just ruler he used the panflute calm the creatures and bring peace and coexistence between them and the humans. but he also discovered his instrument held a dark secret. not only could he calm the creatures tempers with it but in time he learned he could control their will as well. Fearful of it's awful power Cuymosabe vowed never to use it. When his power hungry twin brother Zampona learned of it he stole the flute and used it to lead the creatures in a rebellion against his brother. " *Shows scenes of battle between the humans and the guinea creatures with plenty of gore and guts.*

Craig: "Awesome!"

Stripe: "In the end Cuymosabe prevailed at the cost of the valley, He changed Zampona into the form of a guinea creature so hideous and terrifying that the other creatures feared and loathed him and banished him and the others into the valley forever."

Craig: "It's the guinea pirate isn't it?"

Stripe: "What?"

Craig: "The twin brother is the guinea pirate isn't he?"

Stripe: *coughs* "How about a little spoiler alert next time before you go spoiling things nobody likes a spoiler."

Craig: "Whatever continue."

Stripe: "As I was saying Cuymosabe turned his brother into a guinea creature and with the last of his magic he created an avatar for his soul to inhabit." *Shows Cuymosabe sculpting a figure of Craig and breathing life into it.*

Craig: "So I'm an Avatar now?"

Stripe: "Yes."

Craig: "Can I bend Earth?

Stripe: "No"

Craig: " What about Water?."

Stripe: "No."

Craig: "Fire?"

Stripe: "No."

Craig: "Air?"

Stripe: "No Craig it's not that kind of Avatar."

Craig: "So I'm like a giant blue alien?"

Stripe: "We're going to be here a while."

{{Back in the Nerve center}}

Kelron 12000: "No response found."

President: "Mrs Garthunk it's been more than 24 hours you should get some rest."

Mrs Garthunk: "I can't sleep without thinking about those poor boys we sent out there."

President: "Your beating yourself up for no good reason."

Mrs Garthunk: "We sent 6 young boys into the Andes mountains by themselves to do the impossible."

Sgt Halfcock: "They've still got 24 hours to complete the mission and get back to the rendezvous point."

Mrs Garthunk: "Do you think they're alive Sgt."

Sgt Halfcock: "If I know Conner it'll take more than this to kill him."

Mrs Garthunk: "And the others?"

Sgt Halfcock: "The Young Marines never leave a man behind."

President: "Here have a glass of milk Mrs Garthunk." *pours her a glass of milk.*

Mrs Garthunk: "Leave the jug." *He leaves on her desk.*

Sgt Halfcock: "Look Mrs Garthunk I trained Conner I know how he thinks, I know what he's capable of, and I know He'll stop at nothing to complete his mission." *He sits down and looks up at the GPS screen.*

{Back to the action.}

{Two Guards are watching the ammo hut when suddenly a knife flies out and hits one in the neck, before the other guards can comprehend Conner drops down and shoots him in the head.}

Benjamin: "Not bad you can definitely do better thou."

Conner: "I know I'm out of practice." *Conner opens the the door and drags the bodies inside*

Conner: "It's Christmas in July." *The hut is filled with shelves of firearms and boxes of ammunition and explosives.*

Benjamin: "See anything you like?"

Conner: "I don't know where to start." *The two brothers begin helping themselves to whatever they can carry. A machete, some magazines, claymores, some bear traps, Mortar shells, An Uzi, some ballistic knives, a Crossbow and an Ithaca 37 shotgun.*

Conner: * puts down his M14 and Picks up a box of shells.* "Dragons Breath? "I got a feeling this is going to get hot."

Benjamin: "grab what you want and let's get out of here."

Conner: "Almost done." *Conner opens several boxes of ammo and dumps them on the floor, He then places some claymore mines next to them and ties them to a mortar shell using tripwires, finally he places the bear trap next to the door opens it and jams the mortar shell into the Bear trap."

Benjamin: "Let's go we're gonna fall behind." *The two brothers steal some bricks of C4 and leave the ammo shed for the large stage hut where the Euro music is playing.* Benjamin: *Looks through the binoculars.* "What the hell are these sick bastards doing?" *Through his scope Conner can see five girls preforming synchronized gymnastics in matching slave Leia outfits.*

Conner: " It's the Vladchick Quintuplets come on let's get up there." *The two brothers head up the hill path to the stage and proceed to crawl under the stilts. Above them they can hear the guards getting rowdy and wolf whistling*

Benjamin: "These sick motherfuckers Conner plant the C4 if these bastards feel like blowing a load we'll give them one to blow." *Conner plants a brick of C4 under the the guards and primes a detonator. meanwhile on stage the guards begin to grow more rowdy one of them a brawny Pat Roach looking German named Heinrich gets up.*

Heinrich: "Nehman Si es aus Klein Susse" {{Take it off little cutie}}

Girl: *Romanian accent, Tears up and breaks down sobbing. Her sister runs up to comfort her.*

Natalia: *tearing up* "It's okay Nadia we're here for you.* *Heinrich deciding he's had enough pushes his way to the front and grabs her by the wrist her sister tries to stop him but he back hands her to the ground. her three sisters help her up."

Heinrich: "Iche sagte Nehman Si es aus." {{I said take it off.}} *Conner deciding he's seen enough makes his move before Heinrich can harm a hair on Nadia's head a blade flies through the air piercing Heinrich's neck killing him instantly."

Conner: "RUN MOVE IT GET OUT OF HERE!"

Guard: "What the F#ck! *A Crossbow bolt pierces his chest* ARRRRGH! *Followed by several bursts of gunfire that cut down several guards, The Quintuplets not thinking twice quickly exit the stage."

Benjamin: "They're clear blow it!" *Conner pushes the detonator blowing the stage hut and the rest of the guards to smithereens!*

Benjamin: *Laughs hysterically.* OORAH! SUCK ON THAT YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

Conner: "COME ON BEN WE'VE GOT SOME SISSIES TO BEND OVER!." *Conner jumps out of the tree and rushes over to the Quintuplets who escaped the blast .* Conner: "You okay?" *Nadia runs up and hugs him tightly choking out sobs, Conner comforts her.*

Nadia: "Mult'umesc. mult'umesc mult'umesc." {{Thank you thank you.}}

Conner: "It's okay he can't hurt you anymore Can you understand me? The Marines are here and we've come to get you out." *Natalia comforts her shaken sister.*

Natalia: "Thank God you came when you did." Conner: *looks over his shoulder* "Thank me later right now we need to get out of here." *The Score from the Rambo movies plays as the searchlights begin surveying the area, The guards are now on full alert. A group heads for the armory to get weapons and stumbles into the trap Conner set earlier." Guard: *Steps on the Bear trap.* *Wilhelm Scream* *The mortar shell explodes sending the armory up in,killing several guards. and distracting the searchlights attention,*

Conner: *Takes out another bolt and removes the arrowhead replacing it with an explosive tipped head and fires hitting the searchlight and blowing the watch tower to smithereens* "LETS GO WE'VE GOT TO GET TO THE ESCAPE TUNNELS!" *Conner leads them through the camp gunning down several guards in an over the top action sequence that anyone who's ever seen an action movie has already seen before.*

Conner: "This way! *Shoots down two Guards standing over them on a bridge in a railing kill complete with Wilhelm screams.*

*A truck pulls up armed with a 50 caliber machine gun along with several dozen guards.* Conner: "Wait for my signal then head for the entrance The Mole will be waiting for you there." *Draws his Rifle and shoots the Gunner in the chest and rushes the jeep. He jumps onto the back only to be kicked off by the driver who's climbed onto the back of the truck.*

Guard: *mans the machine gun* "Game over you little Shit." *Conner draws his handgun and fires but the magazine is empty, he closes his eyes bracing for the end when suddenly...*

Guard: *Neck snaps.* *Conner opens his eyes and sees four of the quintuplets have formed a tower to snap the guards neck. the 5th one calls out to him.*

Quintuplet: "What are you waiting for? Get on!" *Conner climbs up onto the truck.*

Quintuplet: "Grab my hands."

Conner: "What?"

Quintuplet: "There's no time to explain just do it."

*Conner takes her hands and she lifts him up with her feet and kicks him to the the top of the tower.*

Conner: *teetering* "Whoooa whoaaa."

Quintuplet: "Turn around."

Conner: "Oh Right." *He turns around pulls back the bolt and opens fire mowing down dozens of guards too quickly to count.* RAAAARGH!

{{Elsewhere Gregory, Christophe and the other kids look on in awe as Conner and the Quintuplets make swiss cheese out of the guards.}}

Gregory: "Bloody Hell! where the hell did they get this kid?"

Christophe: "He fights like a child possessed." *An explosion sends a severed arm landing in front of them.* Incoming! *The children take cover as mortar shells rain down on them.* *Back on the truck Conner and the quintuplets continue to mow down the Super Adventure Club in exaggerated fashion when suddenly a mortar shell lands next to the truck flipping it and sending them flying into the dirt. Conner hits the ground hard and blacks out for a moment as ringing echoes in his ears.*

Quintuplet: *distorted Conner's FPPOV* got ..to ..go...now! *Conner's hearing clears up* "Get up We got to get out of here." *Conner's vision clears and he sees one of the quintuplet's looking over him one of them has injured her leg.*

Quintuplet: "Glaces are you okay can you walk?"

Glaces: "I don't think so."

Conner: *Get's up and picks up his rifle.* "Get her to the front gate and meet up with the others I'll try and draw their fire!"

Quintuplet: "Esti nebun? {{Are you insane?}}

Conner: "JUST GO NOW! *Runs out into the line of fire shooting randomly while the girls carry their injured sister to safety." *Mortar shells rain down on Conner as he races toward the tower where the guards are firing on him.*

Conner: *pant pant pant.* "Man these guy's can't aim for shit." "Meanwhile up in the tower the guards are aiming their mortars at Conner."

Guard: "Damn it this little bastard is stubborn. *Raises his pith helmet revealing he's cross eyed.* "How the the hell is able to evade us like this? *The other looks at him revealing he's also cross eyed.* "Hey Where did he go?"

Conner: "CONNER DO A HEAD BUTT!" * Conner bursts through the floor hatch and head butts the guard in the stomach sending him toppling him over the tower.* "It's super effective! *looks at the other guard with a trance like look in his eyes "Your next!" {The other guard Wilhelm screams and jumps off the tower.}

{Conner takes out his binoculars and looks over at the gate. He sees a Mole cupping his hands making the sound of a wounded baby giraffe.} Conner: "That's the Mole's signal." *notices several guards closing in on them*

"This is not good." *Looks over at the Mortar.*

{{Meanwhile on the ground the guards shine a spotlight on the escaping Kids.}}

Christophe: "Merde!" *some of the children break down crying.*

Gregory: "Where the hell is your one man army friend Christophe?"

{{The children surrounded raise their hands in surrender when suddenly an explosion takes out several guards followed by another and another.}}

Benjamin: "To the Left!" Conner: *loads and launches another shell taking out several guards and sending the rest running for cover.* SUCK ON THAT YOU PEE PEE TOUCHING BASTARDS! Conner loads another one and launches it at the gate.*

Christophe: "EVERYBODY TAKE COVER!" BOOOOOOOM! *The gate splinters into pieces opening the way for them and catching Gregory and the Mole in the blast.*

Gregory: *Hair is messed up and his face is covered in soot.* "Christophe does our savior know of the concept of friendly fire?"

Christophe: *swallows on his cigarette* "z'hat was my last one."

Gregory: *Looks at him and sighs*

{Back on the watch tower}

Benjamin: "I count 10 plus KIA's nice shooting Conner!

Conner: "Couldn't have done it without my spotter." *The brothers triumph is cut short by the sound of rotor blades .*

Benjamin: "The Helicopters are back." *Two heavily armed Hind helicopters close in equipped with search lights rockets missiles auto cannons and machine guns *

Conner: "Oh Shit Gunships I hate gunships."

{{Meanwhile back to Craig and Stripe.}}

Craig: "Can I fly?"

Stripe: "No."

Craig: "Shoot Kamehameha waves?"

Stripe: "No."

Craig: "Walk through walls?"

Stripe: "No" Craig:

"Being the chosen one sucks."

{{cut to commercial.}}


	7. Chapter 7

{{Return from Commercial.}}

{In the realm of wherever the hell they are Craig and stripe are sitting and talking to each other.}

Craig: "Well If I can't bend the elements or turn into a giant smurf then what kind of Avatar am I."

Stripe: "You are the Avatar of the Guinea Valley the spirit of Cuymosabe reincarnated."

Craig: "And what does that mean?"

Stripe: "It means deep down inside you lies the power to save the world."

Craig: "Didn't I already do that?"

Stripe: "You were only able to stop Zampona with the aid of a summoning altar without it your power lies dormant."

Craig: "Well that sucks."

Stripe: "Fear not Craig for I shall now explain my part in the story I am the key to opening the inner door to your dormant power."

Craig: "I-I-I need an adult."

Stripe: "I am an adult."

Craig: "Okay but no funny stuff."

Stripe: "I promise now sit perfectly still indian style."

*Craig sits down indian style.*

Stripe: "Now stay perfectly still and I shall unleash your sleeping power."

Craig: "Okay that sounds kinda cool."

Stripe: "Through interpretive dance."

*Peruvian flute music begins to play as Stripe hops to his hind legs and begins shuffling them while moving his front paws in a jerking motion.*

Craig: "0 0;" WTH?

Stripe: *Begins chirping and squeaking in some sort of bizarre chant.*

"Awaken Cuymosabe awaken and fulfill your destiny."

*The room begins to brighten up as the grass flows the trees sway and the stars form nazca line constellations while the sun releases a spotlight onto Stripe as he struts his stuff."

Craig: "Uh Stripe how long is this going to take?"

Stripe: "24 hours."

Craig: *crosses his legs together.* "I should have peed when I had the chance."

Stripe: "This is a sacred site Craig hold your bladder."

Craig: "Uh okay." *He looks up to see one of the constellations has formed a waterfall which begins flowing into the room*

Craig: "My only solace is the hope that those four assholes are as bored as me."

Stripe: *dances by shaking his arms and legs and wiggling his butt.* "Wake up Cuymosabe your humble avatar awaits you wake up!"

Craig: "You think you know someone and then this happens."

{{Back in the temple.}}

Stan: "Craig's not coming back is he?"

Kyle: "No I don't think he is."

*Cartman has generously helped himself to the mess rations Conner packed.

He stuffs his face with one package of rations after another hoarding it from the others.*

Stan: *notices Cartman stuffing his face.*

"Hey where did you get that food Cartman?"

Kyle: "You've been holding out on us all this time?"

*Cartman grabs his M60 and aims it at them.*

Cartman: *stuffing his face full of packed sausage links.*

"Stay back this is my food mine!"

*Stan Kyle and Kenny point their weapons at Cartman.*

Kyle: "Cartman you fat bastard."

*We pan back to inside Cartman's backpack to a note that Sgt Halfcock wrote.*

Note: "Dear Conner, Stan ,Kyle, Kenny, Craig, and Tanker Tits I took the liberty of packaging some Meal Ready to Eat Rations for you boys. You may eat what you like but I must warn you to ration what you eat and drink there's only enough for a week and whatever you do do not eat the sausage links or the four fingers of death as we call them in the corps."

Cartman: "Ugh God these are the worst sausage links I've ever eaten."

Kenny: (("Hey give me some of those.")) *Tries to help himself*

Cartman: *swats his hand away* "No Kenny these are my sausage links"

Kenny: (("You just said you hate them.")) *tries to reach for them.*

Cartman: "I hate them but I've got to eat something."

Kyle: "Cartman! don't hog all the rations to yourself you fat bastard."

Cartman: "Screw you Kahl!" *They begins fighting over the rations hitting kicking biting and tumbling all over the place."

*They hear the sound of helicopters in the distance.*

Stan: "Hey do you hear that?."

Kyle: " Hear what?."

Stan: "Those Helicopters."

*The boys head out and notice Huey helicopters scouring the jungle.*

Stan: "Helicopters!."

Kyle: "Are they looking for us?"

Cartman: "Hey Assholes over here!" *waves his arms up.* *The other boys raise their arms up and shout for help.*

Kyle: "We're down here!"

Kenny: "((Help us.))

Stan: "Hey!" *The helicopters fly over them and start firing on the jungle.*

Stan: "Guys I think Conner's still alive." Kyle: "I don't know Stan those choppers could be just...*An RPG hits one of the helicopters in the distance sending crashing down in flames.* "He's still alive." *picks up his Galil Rifle* Come on let's go!

Kenny: ((What about Craig?"))

Cartman: "What about that Asshole?" *The boys pick up their weapons and rush off to help Conner.*

Cartman: *pant* "you guys." *pant* "Wait up."

{{Back at Prison Camp.}}

Conner: "YAAAAAAAAAARRGH!" *Conner and Benjamin slide down the ladder and run for it as the helicopter they shot down crashes into the tower knocking it over.* "Even when they've been shot down helicopters find a way to piss me off." *picks himself up and picks up his M16.*

Benjamin: "Well suck it up Conner there's more where they came from." *The two brothers sprint through the gates and into the jungle to meet up with the choir tour.* Choir kids: *Cheering*

Gregory: "I hate to say it Conner but that was smashing work bang up job."

Christophe: *smiles at him and gives him an epic handshake*

Conner: *Smiles and arm wrestles against Christophe*

Kelly: "So what do we do now?"

Conner: "We can't run for the radio hut it's too hot We'll head for Macchu Pichuu that's our extraction point."

Quintuplet: "That's several miles my sister won't make it on her injured leg." Conner: "Can you carry her?"

Quintuplet: "We can try." *They help Glaces up and offer her their shoulders.*

Conner : "Everybody stay together and follow us."

Gregory: "Us?"

Conner: *Looks over at Benjamin.* "Me that's what I said."

Gregory: "I thought you said... *Gunshots followed by dogs barking.*

Christophe: *Feels a shiver up his spine and grips his shovel tightly and whispers* "Chiens." ((French for dogs.))

Conner: "EVERYBODY ON ME MOLE COVER OUR SIX."

Christophe: "Juste mon jour de chance aujourd'hui." ((Just my lucky day today.)) *La Resistance leads the group deeper into the jungle while back at the camp a zebra striped helicopter lands and a man with a white beard and mustache dressed in a safari clothes steps out followed by several armed men. Those die hard South Park fans will recognize him as William Connelly leader of the Super Adventure Club.*

*Connelly Surveys the damage through sunglasses as a large muscular man sporting a buzzcut and a scout uniform walks up to him.*

Connelly: "Well Graizer What's the damage?"

((Mr Graizer aka Mr Slippyfist was the boys scout leader after Big Gay Al was fired in Cripple fight.))

Mr Graizer: "The damage is very extensive Sir, The intruder destroyed the side armory, the stage area, the front gate, several towers, several vehicles including one of our gunships and killed about 43 of guards." Connelly: "You just can't find good help these days. "What's the status of the of the prisoners?" Mr Graizer: "They escaped, Somehow every last one of the little bastards got out including our five priestesses ." Connelly: "That's very unfortunate for them and for you Graizer." *He snaps his fingers.*

Mr Graizer: "No please sir not that."

Connelly: "Yes that."

*Mr Graizer's junk is force choked causing his voice to rises several octaves.*

"They may give out second chances in the Adventure Club but there is no room for failure in the Super Adventure Club!" *Lighting Flashes.*

Mr Graizer: "Please Sir I know who did it is just give me another chance."

Connelly: "Fair enough Chef release him."

* A large black cyborg in a chefs hat steps out of the helicopter gripping his hand tightly in a fist.*

Darth Chef: {Voice of Peter Serafinowicz} "As you wish." *He releases Mr Graizer's balls.*

Connelly: "You have 30 seconds."

Mr Graizer: "His name is Conner Kurtz He's a private in the United States Young Marine Corps youth group. I know him from a personal experience.." *A perverted smirk crosses his face.*

{Flashback.}

Conner: "Sir where are all the other recruits?"

*Flash*

Mr Graizer: *Holds up a camera.* "Oh They'll be here soon." *Unzips his pants.* "Now strip down son that's an order."

*Flash*

Conner: " Sir what's with the camera? Why are you taking your pants off? Why are you looking at me like that? No Mr Graizer please don't touch my rifleman!"

*Flash*

Graizer: "Oh Please Call me Mr Slippyfist everyone does."

*Flash.*

Sergeant Halfcock: *bursts in* "What the hell's going on in here."

*Flash.*

*Sergeant Halfcock sees what's happening and beats the crap out of Mr Graizer with a furious series of kicks. Conner even gets in a double dropkick to groin followed by a windmill kick.*

*Flash.*

*Shows Mr Graizer's kicked in the balls face*

*Flashback ends*

Mr Graizer: "That little bastard shattered both my testicles and got my name on the Young Marine Corps watch list. I had to change my name and move to Colorado."

Connelly: "Thank you for your life story Mr Graizer but that doesn't answer the question of why I should let you live after you let Kurtz do this to my camp?"

Mr Graizer: "Because I know how he thinks sir."

Connelly: "You have until sunset tomorrow when the stars align we must get the chosen one by then or it will be your balls that get kicked Mr Graizer."

{{Back to Craig and Stripe.}}

Craig: *feels a chill* "I don't know why but suddenly I feel like I'm going to get dragged into something against my will."

Stripe: *Is still dancing by the way* "Just remain perfectly still Craig only 19 hours to go Oh yeah break it down mama!"

{Back to the Super Adventure Club.}

Mr Graizer: "Y-yes Sir thank you Sir You won't be sorry." *Blows on his whistle* "ALRIGHT YOU MAGGOTS FORM UP IT'S TIME TO GET BACK OUR HERD!

{The Super Adventure Club begins mobilizing it's remaining forces. Guards grab weapons from their huts and man jeeps, helicopters and boats to begin the hunt for La Resistance and the Choir.}

Mr Graizer: {Close up of his eyes.} "I'll find you Kurtz if it's the last thing I do AND THEN YOUR ASS IS GONNA BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE! WHEN I'M THRU WITH IT."

{Back with the Choir Conner suddenly feels a sharp pain in his butt, His pupils dilate as he flashes back to memories of Mr Slippyfist.} *Repeat of earlier flashback.*

Benjamin: "It was Mr Slippyfist again wasn't it?"

Conner: "Yeah I have no idea why?"

Gregory: "Conner are you alright? Your talking to yourself."

Conner: "Yeah I'm fine." * Suddenly he hears several gunshots.* "Everybody get down now."

*The choir goes prone.*

"Christophe you and Prince Charming stay here and guard the flock I'm gonna go recon where those shots came from." *He gets up and slowly walks forward in a crouched position.*

Gregory: *mutters* " Christophe this Jarhead is really getting on my nerves."

Christophe: "He's a con but he's my kind of con." ((French for Asshole.)) *Gregory glares at him.*

*Conner slowly walks through the forest eyes down the sight looking for targets. He hears something moving through the grass in front of him.*

"Is it gone?"

* Conner goes Prone.*

"I think so."

"Jeez Stan it was just a little snake."

*Conner lowers his M16 and draws his Ka Bar*

"Yeah no need to go peeing your pants like a little bitch Stan."

*They get closer*

"I'm not a bitch Cartman! I just don't like snakes"

5

"This is why I should lead the way on a count of I'm the toughest and the bravest."

4

"Oh Please you got your ass kicked by Wendy."

3

"That Ho Cheated."

2

"How did she cheat Cartman?"

1

"She hit me when my back was..*Is suddenly grabbed from behind and taken down by Conner who holds his Ka Bar to Cartman's throat.*

Cartman:*Shivels up crying* "Meeeem MEEEEM!

Kyle: "Conner!" *hugs him* I'm so glad to see you!"

Conner: *Gets off Cartman and hugs him back* "You too Kyle?"

Kenny: (("I'm so glad to not be meeting up with you in hell."))

Conner: "What smells?"

Kyle:"Probably Cartman's pants."

Stan: "AHHH! SNAKE! Oh Hi Conner."

Conner: "Glad you guys made it out alright." *looks around.* "Where's Craig?"

Kyle: "He's...around."

{{Back to Craig and Stripe.}}

*Craig stands perfectly still While Stripe continues to dance having moved to a reggae beat. He begins to feel an itching feeling in his middle finger he knows he wants no needs to raise it once just once anything to relive the boredom. Slowly he raises his finger to flip the bird but suddenly.* CRUNCH!

Craig: "OW STRIPE WHAT THE HELL!"

Stripe: "I told you to remain perfectly still I can't unlock your sleeping power if your moving all about."

Craig: *attempts to flip him off.*

Stripe: "Try it Mister and I'll bite it off like it was a carrot stick."

Craig: *puts it down* "I always thought If my Guinea Pig could talk back I would be so happy."

{{Back with the boys.}}

*Conner leads the boys back to the choir.*

Conner: "It's all clear! You can come out."

*The Choir comes out of the grass.*

Gregory: "About Bloody time you got back."

*Notices Stan.* "Stanley."

Stan: "Gregory."

Christophe: "Oh Putain." ((Oh F#ck.))

{{Cut to Commercial.}}


	8. Chapter 8

{Return from Commercial}

Gregory: "Long time no see."

Stan: Annoyed "Not long enough if you ask me."

Gregory: Smug "Still Throwing up on Wendy are we?"

Stan: Annoyed "Actually she say's I'm making progress."

Kyle: *Attempts to ease tensions.* "So Gregory what have you been doing since we last saw you?"

Gregory: "Well Kyle I've been busy practicing for the destroy the rainforest choir I'm lead singer you know."

Cartman: "Don't you mean head Fag?"

Stan: *Fist bumps him.* "Good one dude."

Gregory: "I find that quite offensive."

Cartman: "You would." *Gregory rolls his eyes.*

Gregory: "Humor aside there's no need to use that kind of homophobic language."

Kenny: ("Kelly? Kelly?")

Kelly: "Lenny? LENNY! *She hugs him tightly.* "I never lost hope I always knew you'd save me, It was horrible Lenny they kept us in cages like animals and beat us and they they..*She breaks down sobbing into his arms.*

Kenny: *Holds her tightly ("It's okay Babe nobody gonna take advantage of my girl.") *reaches his hand over and touches her butt.*

Kelly: "Lenny?"

Kenny: (("You had a bug on your butt."))

Kelly: "Oh."

*One of the Quintuplets pushes to the front of the group.*

Quintuplet: "Conner Is this your backup? *She sees the boys.* "Oh Ceausescu not you guy's again."

Stan: "Whoa your one of those Romanian Quintuplets aren't you."

*The rest of them come forward.*

Quintuplet: "Nadia What is it?" *notices the boys.* "Oh Balls."

Kyle: Nervous "Uh hi hows it going?"

Natalia: Crosses her arms annoyed. "It's good I guess."

Stan: "What happened to her leg."

Nadia: "She injured it in the escape."

Conner: "Truck we were on got hit by a mortar." *Turns to Nadia* "How is she holding up?"

Nadia: "So far so good but I don't think we''ll be preforming at the concert."

Conner: *Checks her leg.* "Just hold on okay you probably fractured something I don't think it's broken but you need to keep weight off it." *Turns back to the boys* "We need to get these kids to shelter Asap." I don't think they'll last long out here."

Kyle: "There's a temple not far from here the guinea creatures can't reach it."

Conner: "Okay that'll be our destination Everyone on me single file step by step we'll hide our numbers Christophe get a head count started I don't want to leave anyone behind."

Christophe: "Oui

{{Conner leads them through the rainforest, With Gregory and Christophe carrying Glaces And Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman keeping watch with their weapons.* }}

{Elsewhere in a briefing room back at the camp William Connelly briefs the Super Adventure club soldiers Darth Chef and Mr Graizer standing at his right.} Connelly: "The prisoners are most likely headed here *points to a large temple on a map.* "According to legend these grounds are precious to the Inca and the creatures cannot set paw upon those grounds. It's also exactly where we want them. At first light we'll surround the grounds with a company of trucks and then said company led by Mr Graizer will sweep the ruins and round up every one of the little bastards ."

*Turns to Mr Graizer.* And Graizer If a certain trigger happy snot nosed little shit should show up you know what to do."

Mr Graizer: "Yes Sir I'll personally handle Kurtz myself."

Connelly: "I should hope so for your sake." *Darth Chef grips his fist tightly in a groping motion making Mr Graizer gulp and grab at his balls.* "Make no mistake this is your last chance." *Turns back to the face the troops.* That goes for the rest of you too I expect you search every crack and corner like it was the tender asshole of a Quechua child. That is all dismissed." *He looks back the map.* "And with any luck the chosen one will be there as well, Mark well my words Kurtz you will not stand in the way of our club fulling the prophecy."

{The sun peaks over the Andes mountains. The Boys and the Choir children have reached the safety of the temple .}

Conner: *Wraps a improvised splint around Glaces leg using two pieces of wood and some rope.* "Apply pressure." *tightens them snugly around her shin* "And done, Now remember not to put too much weight on it."

Glaces: "Thanks I guess."

Conner: "Don't mention it , I gotta check on the others."

{{The boys have set up camp inside the temple the Choir children are resting and being treated.}}

Conner: *Walks over to Kyle.* "How's it look?"

Kyle: "It's pretty bad Conner these kids have been through a lot we're running low on what little supplies we have left and Cartman ate more than his fair share of the rations before we found you."

{Cartman squats down in the corner with the runs.}

Cartman: "AHHH HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!"

Stan: "Goddamnit Cartman go outside If you have to do that!"

Cartman: *Waddles toward the exit* "OW OW OW IT HURTS TO WALK"

Conner: "Four Fingers of Death?"

Cartman: "URRRRAAAAARRGHH! IT BURNS SO BAD BUT IT WON'T COME OUT!" *FARTS* "OWWW!"

Conner: "Yep!"

Christophe: "Mon Ane his farts smell worse z'hen z'he devil's morning breath thou I must admit its very gratifying to z'ee z'hat fat bastard in pain. ha ha ha ha ha" *coughs* "ha ha ha ha" *coughs*

Conner: "Yeah anyway I'll be..."

Cartman: "RAAAARRGH BURNS!"

Conner: *Takes out a map and puts down on a stone.*

"I saw where the plane went down yesterday when we jumped out." *points to its position on the map.* "Right around here." I could head there grab us some supplies and try and contact Halfcock and tell him where we are."

Kyle: "By yourself?" Conner: "The fewer that go the fewer that risk getting caught."

Kyle: "Yeah but it's suicide out there."

Conner: "It's also the only shot we have, We won't last very long out here on our own."

Gregory: "They're probably out looking for us as we speak."

Conner: "All the more reason to get out there before they find this place."

Christophe: "Look Conn'er as much as I detest z'he idea of going out z'here again I figure I -I-I.."

Gregory: "What The Mole's trying to say is we're comrades *puts his hand on Conner's shoulder.* And It's definitely been a while but we'd be honored If you'd join La Resistance."

Conner: "La Resistance?"

Gregory: "It's a group we started a long time ago."

Stan: *In the back* "That group was my idea asshole!"

Gregory: "Ignore him he's just jealous."

Stan: "Screw You Limey!"

Conner: *Takes his 1911 out and points it at Gregory before offering it to him.* "You ever shoot one of these before?"

Gregory: *Nervous.* "No I don't believe I have."

Stan: "Ha Ha Pussy Licker!"

Gregory: *grits his teeth.* "Though I'm tempted to try."

Stan: *walks up them.*

"Conner forget this Douchebag I was by your side the whole time when we were trapped in that mine together."

Conner: "You were drunk."

Stan: "I stuck by you when the National Guard fired on us."

Conner: "You drunkenly fired into the air."

Stan: "While you were talking to your imaginary dead brother I was keeping everyone together."

Conner: "You threw up on me."

*Christophe and Gregory watch in disbelief as they Argue.*

Kyle: "Stan Please this is not the time to argue, just forget your rivalry with Gregory for a moment and think we need someone capable retrieving supplies."

Stan: "Oh am I not capable Kyle is that it? I'm not good enough to go on a mission? I'm not some educated smug little dick or a wannabe badass one man army who's scared of a teeny weeny Guinea pig." Well screw you guys I'm go get the supplies myself." *Stan picks up his weapon and decides to go without them."

Kyle: "Stan You can't go out there by yourself."

Stan: "Watch me."

Conner: "Stan wait."

Stan: *Stops* "What?"

*Conner clocks him with the butt of his rifle and knocks him out.*

Kyle: "Dude what the hell."

Conner: "He didn't give me any other choice."

Kyle: "Yeah but still..."

Conner: "We've wasted enough time as it is." Gregory Christophe your with me Kenny your on Lookout. Keep an eye out for any signs of hostile forces. Kenny! *Kenny turns away from Kelly and walks over to him.* Did you hear what I said?"

Kenny: ("Say what?")

Conner: "Go over the temple entrance and keep an eye out for hostile forces."

Kyle:" That reminds me just who the hell is after us!"

Conner: "They call themselves the Adventure Club or something. *loads his rifle and slings it over his shoulder.* Look Kenny keep a lookout, Kyle stay and tend to the prisoners Cartman..."

Cartman: "Raargh! Ruurgh! *Splatters* "What?"

Conner: "Never mind just keeping doing whatever."

Cartman: "Rurgh! Cool!"

Conner: *turns to Gregory and The Mole.* "Ready to head out?"

Gregory: "As I'll ever be."

Christophe: *Spins his shovel and sheathes it.* "Let's do z'his already." *The head out the door to the song La Resistance being sung by the kids.

Kids: "They may cut your dick in half and serve to a pig and when it hurts you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig but that's the way it goes in war your shat upon thou you die La Resistance lives on!"

Gregory: "Have faith my Comrades for we shall soon return." *Raises Conner pistol into the air.*

Stan: *stirs* Yeah yeah Mr smarty pants we heard you the first time *passes out again.*

*As Conner walks out the door someone touches him on the shoulder. He looks up and sees Benjamin.*

Benjamin: "You miss me."

Conner: *Smiles at him.* "Yeah after you disappeared at the camp I was worried you were gone for good."

Benjamin: "No one fights alone Bro We're Marines we watch each others backs."

Conner: "Semper Fi till I Die."

Benjamin: " Amen."

Kyle: *Whispers to Kenny* "He's doing it again."

Kenny: ("Yep.")

Gregory: "Christophe, Is Conner on Ritalin or something?"

Christophe: "He z'aid something about blowing up a ATF helicopter."

Gregory: "Oh Shit."

Conner: "Your guys coming or not?"

*They both look at each other and follow after him*

{Meanwhile back in the other dimension realm whatever. Craig sits twitching and shaking as if ready to burst while Stripe continues dancing around him in a circle as a disco ball shines lights around the room.}

Stripe: *Dancing around him to Yvonne Elliman* "If I can't you I don't want nobody baby."

Craig: "Stripe?"

Stripe: "If I can't have you Oh ooh!"

Craig: "Stripe!"

Stripe: "If I can't have you I don't want nobody baby."

Craig: "STRIIIIIIIPE!"

Stripe: *Stops singing but continues dancing.* "It's rude interrupt me Craig while I'm preforming the ritual."

Craig: "How much longer is this gonna take?"

Stripe: "About 12 more hours give or take."

Craig: "I'm bored."

Stripe: "Craig I must ask you to be silent you are the chosen one and the chosen one must show patience."

Craig: "Too bored don't care."

Stripe: "Fine then watch something in the waterfall of foresight or something."

Craig: "How do I do that?"

Stripe: "Just wave your hand in front of the waterfall and it'll do the rest."

Craig: "Like Red Racer?"

Stripe: "No Craig not like Red Racer The waterfall has the power to see anywhere in the world."

Craig: "Really?"

Stripe: "Yes now let me get back to the ritual. If I can't have you Oh Ooooh oh."

Craig: *Starts channel surfing through the waterfall.* "Being the chosen one sucks ass."

{Commercial.}


	9. Chapter 9

{Return from commercial}

{ As the sun rises over the guinea valley the Super Adventure Club begins it's manhunt for the escaped prisoners on land sea and air.

A convoy of trucks ,jeeps and armored cars led by Mr Graizer in a large double barrel tank rolls out of the camp while a squadron of hind helicopters searches the jungles overhead.

In the lead hind gunship William Connelly and survey the scene.}

Connelly: "All forces report in. Ground forces."

Graizer: *Is inside the tank wearing a army helmet.* "Graizer here we're rolling over."

Connelly: "Naval patrol." {On the river several patrol boats cruise along.}

Patrol commander over radio: "Naval patrol here no sign of activity on the river over."

Connelly: "Air cavalry!"

Outside several other hinds and UH1 gunships fly in formation with Connelly's helicopter.

Air Cavalry: "Air cavalry locked in loaded! over"

Connelly: "Affirmative all forces the prisoners are holed up in the ruins there's nowhere for them to run. close in and surround the temple and Graizer If Kurtz shows up you know what to do."

Graizer: "Roger that over and out."

Darth Chef: "The time of the prophecy is nigh soon the Super Adventure Club will be all powerful." The camera pans in on his face as suspenseful music plays. Suddenly the radio comes back on.

Graizer: "This is Slippy fist we have a problem."

Connelly: "What is it Graizer?

Graizer: "The convoy's stuck."

Connelly: "Stuck on what?"

Grazer: "Well..." Graizer has rear ended a sleeping guinea creature driving the tank onto it's back treads in the doggy position. The beast squeaks in surprise and the jungle begins to shake.

Graizer: "Uhh Uh Oh!"

Back to Craig and Stripe.

Stripe: *Stops dancing and rubs his butt* "Ow I felt that."

Craig: "What is it Stripe?"

Stripe: "Someone somewhere just drove a tank right up a guinea creatures ass."

Craig just looks at his guinea pig for moment before they both break into uncontrolled laughter.

Back in the jungle a herd of Guinea creature's stampede out of the jungle and towards the convoy.

Graizer: "RETREAT!" The convoy pulls back as the guinea creatures stampede toward them knocking over several jeeps and trucks.

Several Super Adventure Club soldiers are mauled and nibbled to death.

French Soldier: "My Legs z'hey are gone like ze frogs!"

Thai soldier: "Chwy chan dwy!" ((Help me.))

Australian soldier: "Crikey me Arm!"

Canadian soldier: "Sir you gotta get us outta here the men they're eating them like Kroff Dinner THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME ARGH! *Farts* It Hurts!"

From the helicopter Connelly watches as the carnage below.

Connelly: "Graizer."

Graizer: "Sir!"

Connelly: "Leave them consolidate what's left of your force and proceed with the mission."

Graizer: "Understood."

Connelly: "And Graizer."

Graizer: "Yes sir?"

Connelly:" Try not to hit anymore Guinea pigs."

Graizer: "Sir Yes Sir." Graizer backs the tank off of the guinea creature leaving to two huge tread marks down it's back.

Meanwhile La Resistance treks through the jungle, unbeknownst to Gregory and The Mole but known to Conner they are accompanied by Benjamin.

Gregory: "Conner are you sure you know where your going I mean you saw where it went down?"

Conner: "Saw it? I was in it."

Gregory: "What exactly did you say brought it down?"

Conner: "A guinea dragon."

Gregory: "A guinea dragon?"

Conner: "That's right."

Christophe: "Guinea dragons and here I was all worried about dogs."

Conner: "Those dogs are gonna be pussycats compared to we'll likely face in the jungle."

Christophe: "Not that z'he camp is any better, It's still better z'hen z'hat pussy bible camp Moth'zer z'ent me to."

Conner: "Better being some 40 year old man's butt buddy?"

Christophe: "e'et's actually sort of the same." Suddenly the jungle trembles and shakes.

Benjamin: "Conner something's coming."

Conner: "Everybody hit the deck." The boys duck down just in time for a gigantic guinea poodle wearing a giant pink collar that says Princess to clear two trees and stomp into view.

Christophe: "Oh Merde you've got to be fucking kidding me." Princess begins sniffing around near them she catches a scent and sniffs around.

Benjamin: "Oh shit she's gonna smell us out." Princess squeaks and moves over to where Christophe is sniffing within inches of the little french boy who's biting down on his shirt to keep from screaming.

Christophe: *Thinking* "MON ANE Z'HIS IS IT EATEN BY A GIANT GUINEA POODLE OH ZE IRONY. ARE YOU Z'HERE GOD E'ET'S ME ZE MOLE I KNOW YOUR UP Z'HERE ON YOUR FUCKEE'NG CLOUD LAUGHING YOUR FAGGOT ASS OFF AT MY MISFORTUNE! BUT I WILL NOT REPENT I WILL NOT BEND OVER AND LET YOU BUTTFUCK ME! I AM CHRISTOPHE DELORNE YOU MAY TAKE MY LIFE BUT I WILL DIE WITH DIGNITY!" {His eyes go wide as Princess smells his butt.} "OW MY DIGNITY!"

Princess sniffs Christophe and proceeds to lick him covering his back with slobber, Christophe turns around just in time to get his face licked by princess's tongue. the massive creature lays still wagging her puffy tail.

Christophe: "You've got to be shitting me."

Conner Gregory and Benjamin turn around.

Gregory: "I think she likes you Christophe."

Christophe: *Dead pan* "Yippee."

Conner: "YOU DON'T FOOL ME YOU FURRY BITCH!" {He aims his M16 at Princess.}

Christophe: "ZHAT'S IT CONNER BLOW IT TO KINDOM COME!

Benjamin also raises his M16

Benjamin: "THE KURTZ FAMILY SENDS IT'S FUCKING REGARDS FLEABAG!

Conner and Benjamin both fire grenades at Princess but the rounds simply bounce off her hide and fail to detonate.

Benjamin: "It It had no effect. AFFIX BAYONETS." Conner and Benjamin remove the M203 launchers and affix bayonets Conner: CHARGE! They charge the Guinea creature but their bayonets simply snap off earning Conner a lick to the face.

Conner: "GREGORY CHRISTOPHE! RUN FOR THE CRASH SITE I'LL HOLD IT OFF GO NOW! Conner throws a flash bang and they race off thru the jungle.

Conner: "DON'T STOP KEEP GOING!"

Christophe: {COUGHS} STE'TCH I'M GETTING A STE'TCH IN MY SIDE.

Gregory: "YOU SHOULD HAVE QUIT SMOKING WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE."

Christophe: "GREGORY I SWEAR IN ZE TRUNK OFF A FUCKING CLIFF"

Conner: "LESS TALKING MORE RUNNING!" The Boys continue running while Princess just follows them slowly off screen.

Benjamin: "CONNER LOOK OVER THERE IT'S THE PLANE." The wreckage of the cargo plane sits on the edge of a perilous cliff

Christophe: "What did you say?"

Conner: "I said look over there it's the plane."

Christophe: "Z'his better be fucking worth it Kurtz."

Conner: "It will be I promise." The boys reach the plane and find the cargo strewn around from the crash. Conner: "Alright split up and search for supplies." The boys split up and search the wreckage for any supplies. Conner looks through a box labeled Meals ready to eat.

Conner: "Rations are still here. Christophe any luck?" Christophe picks up a medical kit. Christophe:

{Puts on a bandaid.} "Z'here's a first aid kit here here not much else. {He looks down and sees a package of cigarettes} E'llo Whats Z'his? {A heavenly aura surrounds it.} "Nice try you bastard but I'm no one's beetch." Conner finishes packaging food and starts raiding the armory Gregory looks through the cockpit finding most of the controls fried.

Gregory: {Notices a radio on the floor.} "A radio Conner! Christophe! I found a radio! Conner and Christophe come running to the cockpit.

Conner: "This is perfect." {He checks it out.} Battery's still good {Turns it on.} "Milkman to Dairyland Milkman to Dairyland come in Dairyland." Back at the inner sanctum Conner comes in over the radio. Conner over the radio: "Milkman to Dairyland come in Dairyland."

Radio operator: "Mr President, Sergeant Halfcock Mrs Garthunk! I've got Kurtz on the horn."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Hand me the Mic." {He picks up the mic.} "This is Dairyland It's good to hear from you Conner."

Conner: "It's good to hear you too sir."

Sergeant Halfcock: "We lost contact with you when the plane went down what happened?"

Conner: "Flight crew got fried by an unfriendly local."

Sergeant Halfcock: "What's the status of the rest of the team?"

Conner: "Rest of the team is alive and well."

Sergeant Halfcock: "And the missing Choir.?"

Conner: "I'll give you the abridged version Mission complete prisoners have been liberated and are awaiting extraction at Machuu Pichuu Ruins request medevac for the injured and Close air support against hostile forces!

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that Conner what kind of hostile forces are we expecting?"

Conner: "Aside from the local wildlife we have the kidnappers to worry about They're heavily armed with automatic weapons helicopter gunship support and heavy armor."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that Conner We'll contact Buckley Air Force Base and see about getting some air support."

Conner: "Roger that we're heading back to the temple. I'll contact you again when we're safely back at base."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that over an out."

In the helicopter William P Connelly and Darth Chef listen in on their conversation.

Connelly: "That's all we need to hear {Gets on the radio} Attention helicopter squadron proceed to the crash site Graizer head on to the temple."

Graizer: "Yes sir."

Connelly: "Those noose is tightening around your balls Kurtz Soon the Chosen One's ass will ours and the Super Adventure Club will rule the world."

Elsewhere Craig suddenly gets a shiver up his spine.

Craig: "Stripe I got a strange feeling that I might get raped before this is over."

Stripe is still dancing and is now wearing a little sombrero and playing two maracaas. Stripe: "Areeba reeba Buenos Dias espiritu Cuymosabe hora de despertar." ( Good Morning spirit of Cuymosabe time to wake up)

Craig: "Ugh!"

Back the crash site La Resistance is finishing up. Conner raids the armory for some weapons.

Conner: "All right load up you two." {He gives Christophe a bag of firearms he's gathered up.} "We're rolling out."

Christophe: 0 0 "Merde Alors" You really are ready to start World War 3."

Gregory: "Bloody hell Conner."

Conner gives Gregory a Steyer AUG rifle and a magazine.

Conner: "Best not to take chances out there. safety's already off and I already loaded it." Gregory: "THIS THING IS LOADED?"

Conner: "Damn straight it is now let's move out." The boys are stopped at the sound of rotors.

Gregory: "Helicopters." {He turns to Conner.} "You called for rescue right?"

Conner: "Yeah but I didn't think they's get here so fast." They head for the exit door only to realize the helicopters in question are not a rescue choppers but Hind gunships.

Conner: "SHIT IT'S THEM! GET BACK INSIDE NOW!"

Connelly: "Pilot fire when ready."

Pilot: "Roger." The hind opens fire on the crashed plane it's shells ripping through the fuselage.

Conner: "MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Conner Gregory and The Mole race to the cockpit and take shelter in it.

Christophe: "Fils de pute." (Son of a Bitch.) What z'e fuck do we do now." One of the helicopters shines a searchlight on the cockpit.

Conner: "GET DOWN!" A scout helicopter opens fire tearing into the fuselage around the cockpit splitting it in two and putting the boys in danger of plunging off the cliff On the ground Conner spots an M72 rocket launcher and the lever for the pilot ejection seat.

Conner: "GET IN THE SEATS!"

Gregory: WHAT?

Conner: "GREGORY DON'T ARGUE WITH ME JUST STRAP YOURSELVES IN."

Christophe: "I got a feeling I'm not going to like this."

The gazelle returns armed with a loud speaker which Connelly uses to address Conner."

Connelly: "Cheerio Kurtz I must admit you've proven to be the most dangerous prey I've ever had the pleasure of tracking but the game is over and I've clearly won."

Conner: {Whispers} "Strap yourselves in and when I say go count to 3 and pull that lever on the side of the chair."

Gregory: "Danger ejection seat release."

Christophe: "I knew I wasn't gonna like this."

Connelly: "Your completely surrounded surrender and make it easy on yourself."

Gregory:" What about you?"

Conner: "Don't worry about me just go!" Conner forces them into the seats and helps them strap in. He then picks up the rocket launcher and loads it."

Connelly: "You have until the count of three penis. 1 penis."

Conner: "Go!"

Connelly: "2 penis."

Gregory: 1

Christophe: Deux.

Connelly: "3 penis. Alright Kurtz consider this your military funeral."

The scout pilot puts his thumb on the fire button just as Gregory and Christophe pull their levers and eject out of the cockpit. The pilot surprised takes his finger off the fire button long enough for Conner to fire a rocket straight at him.

Pilot: { Wilhelm scream} BOOOM! The helicopter is blown to smithereens but Conner's celebration is short lived as Connelly's Hind closes in for the kill.

Connelly: "Very impressive Kurtz I underestimated you a mistake I will not make twice."

Benjamin suddenly rushes into the cockpit.

Benjamin: "CONNER WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!" Conner rushes alongside his imaginary dead brother down into the cargo hold just as Connelly's hind opens fire with everything it's got auto cannon rounds and rockets rip apart the crashed plane breaking it in half and sending the cockpit over the cliff.

Conner: "RAAAARRRRRRRGH!" Conner manages to leap to the tail end of the plane but looses his footing at it tilts over the side.

Conner manages to maintain his grip by grabbing onto various parts of the frame like a jungle gym.

Benjamin: "CONNER COME ON YOU CAN MAKE IT! Conner sees his brother reaching out for him pulls himself upward he manages to grab onto a large crate tethered to a cargo net when the tail end lurches suddenly and the net snaps sending Conner tumbling down and a crate headed right for him. Conner hits his shoulder on the side of frame the crate barely missing him as it plunges over the cliff.

Benjamin: "CONNER HURRY!" Conner injured but determined not to die pulls himself up the dangling net toward his brother's hand.

Benjamin: "THAT'S IT JUST A LITTLE MORE!" Just when Benjamin is in his grasp the tail plunges over the side.

Benjamin: "NO CONNER!

Above him Gregory and The Mole watch in horror.

Gregory: "CONNER!"

Christophe: "Douce Marie Mere De Dieu!" ((Sweet Mary Mother of God.)) {He looks over at Gregory.} "You heard nothing."

Conner realizing he's got seconds left grabs the first thing he can an inflatable life raft. Conner: "Well at least it's not a fridge." He pulls himself to the emergency door opens the handle and jumps out pulling the life rafts cord as he does. Pulling himself aboard he braces for impact as the inflating raft plunges into the jungle.

Will Conner survive his deadly plunge? Will his comrades in La Resistance ever see him again? And much more is Stripe going to dance? The answers to these questions and more will be answered...right now yes {Conner's raft lands in a river safely} yes {Gregory and Christophe land safety.} and a lot more.

{Stripe is now wearing a cute widdle grass skirt and dancing Hula.}

Craig: "This story sucks ass."

{Cut to commercial.} 


	10. Chapter 10

(Return from Commercial)

Gregory and Christophe wriggle out of the straps and pick themselves up.

Gregory: Kicks the chute off his foot. "Well that was fun let's agree never to do it again." Looks over Christophe. "You alright."

Christophe: Falls down in the grass "Yeah I'm just half dead."

Gregory: "I can't believe he's gone Christophe."

Christophe: "He was a hero to children everywhere a true member of La Resistance."

Gregory: Begins singing somberly with his hand over his heart. "God has smiled upon you this day."

Christophe: "Uh Gregory?"

Gregory: "The fate of a nation in your hands."

Christophe: "Gregory."

Gregory: "And blessed be the children we."

Christophe: "Gregory."

Gregory: "Who fight with all our bravery."

Christophe: "GREGORY!"

Gregory: "What is it Christophe?"

Christophe: "Ze Helicopters are back."

Gregory: Goes prone in the tall grass as the Hinds search over the area.

"Oh Right so they are."

Christophe: "Just stay still and wait for them to pass."

The Hind sweeps the area looking for signs of movement.

Connelly: Looks outside the window. "Chef are they still alive?"

Darth Chef: Makes a groping motion with his hands. "I sense they are."

On the ground Christophe winces in pain.

Gregory: Whispers. "What's wrong?"

Christophe: "Mon testicules E'ets like z'heyre in a vise." He bites down on his shovel to avoid screaming.

Connelly: "And what about Kurtz?"

Darth Chef: Continues Groping. "I sense him it is very faint but he is still alive."

In the river below Conner's eyes suddenly shoot open as a sharp pain shoots through his junk.

Connelly: "That's all I needed to hear." He gets on the radio. "This is Connelly to river patrol come in over."

River patrol: On the radio: "River Patrol here we read you loud and clear over."

Connelly: "River patrol sweep the river for Kurtz I want him alive."

River patrol: Over radio "Do you think he's still alive?"

Connelly: "He is alive find him and bring him to me."

River Patrol: "Yes Sir"

Connelly: "I'll be waiting at Machuu Pichuu with the rest of the club members. I expect him to be there by sunset."

River Patrol: "Roger that over and out." The boats proceed down river with mounted machine guns.

Connelly: "You've cost us enough time as it is Kurtz but not for much longer."

The hind leaves heading for Machuu Pichuu leaving Gregory and Christophe to get their bearings.

Christophe: Gets up. "Mon Ane z'hat was the z'he second worst pain my balls have ever felt in my life."

Gregory: Gets up. "I'm afraid to ask what the first one is."

Christophe: "Votre Oncle." (Your Uncle.)

Gregory: Doesn't laugh "We need to get to get back to the temple and warn the others that they're in mortal danger."

Christophe: "And how do you propose we do that?

Gregory: Shrugs his shoulders. "Let's hoof it."

Elsewhere on the river Conner's raft drifts down stream Conner lying unconscious inside. He slowly comes to and rubs his head.

Conner: "Ugh!" He pulls himself up and immediately feels pain in his leg.

"Argh!" He falls back down in pain. MY LEG! He begins to black out from the pain.

"I've Got you Conner."

Conner: He sees Benjamin looking over him. "Benjamin?"

Benjamin: "Your okay now." Conner blacks out fully.

Elsewhere Gregory and Christophe return to the temple.

Kyle: "Hey everybody They're back." He notices Conner is missing. "Where's Conner?"

Christophe: Takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid to tell you z'hat Conner is... is" He can't speak

Gregory: Downbeat. "What the Mole is trying to say is...he's dead."

The news of Conner's death shocks everyone in the room. Many of the children break down crying. The quintuplets break down simultaneously. Kelly sobs into Kenny's shoulder, The parka wearing boy is too grief stricken to cop a feel. Even Christophe fights with everything he's got fails to prevent a single tear from falling.

Kyle: Shocked. "I can't believe it I won't."

Christophe: tries to compose himself "It's true."

Stan: "What happened?"

Gregory: tries to compose himself too. "We made it to the plane but the kidnappers were waiting for us, they had attack helicopters. Conner rushed us back into the cockpit and had us strap into the ejector seats. We got shot out just as the plane went over the cliff with Conner in it."

Stan tackles Gregory to the ground and punches him several times in the face.

Stan: punches him in the face repeatedly. "SO YOU JUST DECIDED TO SAVE YOUR OWN SKIN HUH? YOU SPINELESS LIMEY BASTARD! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO COMRADESHIP WHAT HAPPENED TO BROTHERHOOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO LA RESISTANCE!" He begins choking Gregory tightly."

Kyle: "STAN CALM DOWN!"

Gregory: "I can explain!"

Stan: "EXPLAIN WHAT! I JUST LOST MORE THAN A CLOSE FRIEND I LOST SOMEONE WHO RISKED HIS LIFE TO PROTECT US WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE FAN! SOMEONE WHO VOLUNTEERED TO LEAD TO SAFETY EVEN AFTER I SCREWED HIM OVER! THAT'S SOMEONE YOU COULD NEVER BE!

The Mole deciding he's seen enough smacks Stan on the head with his shovel.

Christophe: "THAT'S ENOUGH!" He pulls Stan off Gregory who's now got a busted lip a bloody nose and a black eye. You act like your the only one who's lost someone important. Conner's death is a heavy blow for all of us." Suddenly the temple shakes violently startling the kids.

Kelly: "Wa-what was that?"

Jake: "I-it felt like an earthquake ."

Cartman: "Walks back inside." So yeah I was just outside taking a crap I'm kinda plugged up so it's takes a me a long time I finish wiping with Kyle's clean underwear and I notice there's these helicopters outside firing at us."

The temple shakes again.

Stan: "What!" The boys head outside to take a look outside to see the ruins burning and in rubble and two Super Adventure Club Armored cars several sclut helicopters along with Connelly's hind closing in on them along with a convoy of trucks and a massive tank!

Cartman: "Yeah were kinda boned."

Kyle: "Cartman why didn't you come get us earlier?"

Cartman: "Hey I was taking a dump I can't just get off the pot to solve all your problems

Kyle!" The tank and armored cars begin firing on the temple grounds causing a column to come crashing down on Kenny.

Stan: "OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!"

Kyle: "YOU BASTARDS!"

Kelly: "WHAT WHO KILLED HIM?"

Kyle: "Uh they did!" Kelly's eyes sting with tears as she picks up an M202 Rocket Launcher that happened to come with the boys kit arms it and takes aim at the armored cars.

Kelly: Her eyes are filled with dark rage. "My name is Kelly Walters you killed my Boyfriend PREPARE TO DIEEEEEEEEE!"

Kyle: "Uh Kelly I think your aiming it backwards OH SHIT!" Kelly Fires the rocket backward blowing a hole in the temple wall and narrowly missing the Quintuplets who cartwheel out of the way in time."

Glaces: "AHH MY OTHER LEG THIS IS THE WORST TRIP EVER!"

Kelly: Sheepishly "Oops Sorry."

Kenny walks in the column having barely missed him.

Kenny: ("You've got it the wrong way around Kelly.")

Kelly: "Lenny your alive!" Another shell hits the temple rocking the place

Kenny: ("Flip it around flip it around.)"

Kelly: "Flip it? Like this?" She flips the rocket launcher over and fires hitting one of the armored cars and blowing off one of it's wheels but also knocking herself on her back just in time to accidentally fire another rocket which happens to hit one of the scout helicopters flying over the temple. The pilot let's out a wilhelm scream just as his helicopter is blown sky high.

Kelly: "It's okay Lenny I've got this." She tries to pick up the Rocket launcher again and swings it around hitting Kenny in the head. "Oops Sorry Lenny." She spots soldiers fast roping down from the helicopters and takes aim at one. "DONDE ESTA DE BANO MOTHER FUCKER! whoa whoa!" She loses her balance and the last rocket flies off course hitting the tail rotor of one chopper and sending it crashing on top of the other in a twisted wreckage of flames.

Stan: "Whoa Dude your girlfriend kicks ass Kenny."

Kenny: Rubs his sore head. ("Yeah a real knockout.")

Kelly: Drops the rocket launcher on top of Kenny. "Wow that felt GREAT!" Lenny when we get home I want to buy one of these that matches and fits in my purse."

Kenny: ("Ow my ribs.")

Up in the helicopter Connelly can't believe his eyes. Connelly: "I don't believe it! How did Kurtz get back to the temple so fast and how the bloody hell did he evade the river patrol?"

Darth Chef : Makes his force grope hand. "Something is wrong with his Marlock level It feels different as if it's not there."

Connelly: "Very clever of you Kurtz you've somehow found a way to mask your Marlock level but it matters not this is the end of the road for you." Gets on the radio. "Pilot give him everything you got."

Pilot: "Roger that." The Hind opens fire with a volley of rockets and chaingun fire.

Stan: "Jesus Christ We gotta get out of here."

Kyle: "Quick everyone follow me." The children run deeper into the temple as the entrance begins to crumble around them.

Stan: "Keep going this way."

The ceiling begins to collapse from the chopper's barrage of rockets. a blast causes Kelly to trip just in time for a slab of ceiling to land on top of her.

Kelly: Screams from the blast as a slab falls down on her. "LENNY! HELP! Kenny thinking quickly rushes to her side.

Kenny: Tries to lift the stone but it's too heavy for him. ("It's too heavy!")

Stan: He and Kyle help Glaces over a fallen column:

"KENNY COME ON!" Kenny thinks quickly and notices the now empty rocket launcher lying there.

Kenny: ("Hold on I'm gonna get you out.) He picks it up and brings it over to Kelly.

Kelly: "Lenny Just forget about me save yourself."

Kenny: ("I'm not leaving you behind now help me lift this.") Kelly Helps Kenny lift the slab enough for him to wedge the rocket launcher under it giving Kenny enough room to lift it up and free Kelly.

Kelly: "Lenny You Saved Me Your My Hero!" She kisses him on the cheek."

Kenny: ("Aw Shucks it was nothing.")

Kyle: "Kenny We gotta go."

Kenny: Nods and helps Kelly up and they both run for the stairs leading deeper into the temple as the rest of the ceiling collapses behind them trapping them inside.

Outside the temple Connelly's Helicopter lands and Connelly steps out along with Darth Chef and several soldiers.

Connelly: "And that takes care of that even if Kurtz is still alive he's trapped along with the other children in the underground." He turns to Mr Graizer and the soldiers. "Mr Graizer I want you and your men to seal off every entrance and exit. search every nook and cranny everything must be in place before the moon rises."

Mr Graizer: "Alright troops you have your orders now move out."

The Super Adventure Club soldiers head up into the ruins to hunt the children down.

Meanwhile back on the river Conner comes to again in the life raft.

Conner: Opens his eyes to see Benjamin watching over him. "Benjamin where am I?"

Benjamin: "You jumped out of a wrecked plane as it was plunging off a cliff in an inflatable raft."

Conner: "So am I in Heaven now?"

Benjamin: "No your still alive."

Conner: Tries to move but feels a sharp pain in his right leg. "Yep I'm definitely still alive and you are definitely not Benjamin."

Benjamin: "Conner I gotta tell you something."

Conner: "What is it?"

Benjamin: "It's really gonna piss you off."

Conner: "What?"

Benjamin: "We're about to go over a fall."

Conner: Notices the raging waterfall. "Oh GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" He goes over the falls his cursing echoing through the valley causing many of the Guinea creatures taking notice."

Meanwhile outside the temple.

"GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!."

Connelly: "What the bloody hell is that noise?" All the Super Adventure Club members look up.

While inside the temple

"GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" The kids look around for the source of the sound.

Stan: "You guys hear that?"

Kyle: "Yeah what is that."

Gregory: "You hear that Christophe?"

Christophe: "I feel z'hat Gregory."

Meanwhile back at the Ops Center.

"GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

President: "Mrs Garthunk do you hear that.?"

Mrs Garthunk: "Yeah."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Oh God it sounds like my Ex Wife." He shudders with horror."

Meanwhile back in South Park.

"GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

The children at the playground all look around for the sound of the disturbance.

Clyde: Catches a ball "Do you guys hear that?"

The boys look around The girls on the jungle gym take notice too.

Bebe: "Did you girls hear that?"

Wendy: "Yeah Weird."

Meanwhile In the other dimension.

"GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Stripe and Craig both take notice of the strange noise.

Craig: "What the hell is that?"

Stripe: Stops dancing for a moment. "The nerve of some people. SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO CONDUCT ANCIENT INCAN RITUALS HERE PEOPLE KEEP IT DOWN!. Some people are so inconsiderate of others." Goes back to dancing and incantation.

Craig: "I'm going to see what it is." He waves his hand in front of the fountain just in time to see Conner hit the water below with a splat. "HA!"

{Cut to commercial.}


	11. Chapter 11

{Return from commercial.}

Conner awakens to find himself underwater being carried by a current he manages to swim to the surface for air and grab onto a branch but his strength isn't enough and he's pulled off back into the water. But thinking quickly he swims onto his back and goes limp allowing his body to float while he recovers his stamina. He soon spots some rocks on the shore and grabs onto them using them to pull himself out of the river and onto shore. After crawling onto shore he blacks out.

Several hours pass and Conner comes to slowly.

Benjamin: "Conner Conner are you there."

Conner eyes open to Benjamin standing over him.

Benjamin: "Good your still breathing just take deep breaths your gonna be okay." He helps Conner up to his feet.

Conner: Looks up to see the huge stone face leading into a cave. "Where the hell are we?"

Benjamin: Takes off his tactical vest and field jacket leaving just his T-shirt . "I think we're a few miles down river."

Conner: "I could have told you that." He takes off his tactical vest and field jacket off too leaving just his T-shirt

{{Remember Benjamin's actions are a reflection of Conner's.}}

Suddenly Conner here's an engine coming for them followed by a search light.

Benjamin: "Conner over here behind the rock."

The two brothers take cover behind the rock as the as the search light passes over them. Several Super Adventure Club soldiers step off the patrol boat.

British soldier: "Alright lads Colonel Connelly says the children will headed this way looking for a way out were here to cut them off."

Several soldiers head off into the temple to secure the area."

British soldier: Turns to the few remaining soldiers. "The rest of you stay here and guard the boat no child get's past un buggered."

Soldiers: "Yes Sir."

The Officer leaves and leads the rest of the troops into the temple. leaving only 5 on watch.

Benjamin: "That doesn't sound good."

Conner: "We need to find Stan Kyle and the group and warn them their walking into a trap.." He draws his 1911. "Crap my gun's waterlogged It won't shoot.

Benjamin: "Mine too we'll need improvise this." Looks over at the soldiers two guarding the entrance two patrolling the area one standing guard on the boat. "The guy on the boat goes first."

Conner: "Then use the heavy machine to take out the rest?"

Benjamin: "Too high profile."

Conner: "Alright let's see where this goes."

The two of them wait for the searchlight to pass and then head for the water.

The soldier on the boat is reading a magazine called Jail bait depicting a naked little boy on the cover with his pants down.

Benjamin and Conner surface behind him.

Benjamin: "Take him Conner."

Conner climbs aboard and stabs him thru the back of the neck.

Conner: Whispers "Rub one out you sick bastard."

He pulls out the knife leaving the soldier to choke on his own blood.

Benjamin: "Nice work Conner."

The two of them search the boat for weapons finding a 30 caliber M1919 belt fed machine gun, a China Lake grenade launcher, some mortar shells A Colt Python, some hand grenades a couple of ballistic knives and a machete. They arm themselves up with a bandolier and apply war paint to their faces. as Ramboesque music plays.

Two of the SAC soldiers are smoking on the beach when suddenly they hear splash. They both turn their guns to face it.

Chinese soldier: "What was that?"

Kenyan soldier: "Probably just a fi... " A ballistic knife blade flies thru the air hitting him in the eye.

Chinese soldier: "AHHHH HEL...Ugh." A machete blade pierces his stomach as Conner steps into view his face covered in war paint and his hand on the handle, with a swift slice he disembowels the Chinese soldier and shoves him into the water.

The other two soldiers take notice.

Indian Soldier: "Hey You!"

Conner draws his machine gun and mows them both down.

Benjamin: "So much for going silent."

Conner and Benjamin race into the passage and into the temple.

Meanwhile back in the temple The children have been trying to evade the Super Adventure Club a task none too simple when your carrying injured in your party.

Turkish soldier: "They're they are."

Kyle: "Jesus Christ!"

Stan and Kyle open fire gunning down the Turk and his men before leading them down deeper into the temple.

Stan: "Man they just don't let up."

Quintuplet: "Which way do we go?

Kyle: Looks around several directions. "This way." Points down a hall and leads them down it."

Christophe: "This is insane every way turn z'ese batards cut us off."

Quintuplet: "We have to do something Glaces can't go much farther."

A soldier calls out from the back of the corridor.

South African soldier: "Hey I've got some men down here they can't be far off."

Quintuplet: "They're coming."

Gregory: "Alright We'll split up into two groups Stan Kyle, Eric,, The Mole and I will try to hold them off while the you girls find a place to hide the injured

The soldiers start getting closer.

Kyle: "Just go now."

The Quintuplets, Kenny, Kelly, and the rest of the choir run down the corridor deeper into the temple while The boys, Gregory and Christophe hold the line."

Gregory: "Just like old times Stanley?"

Stan: "Dude Shut up!"

Kenny's group crosses a rope bridge over a lake inside a subterranean cavern as the sounds of gunfire echo from the caverns behind them. As they cross the bridge Kelly slips and falls off the bridge hanging on only by a hand.

Kelly: Screams "Lenny help I'm slipping!"

Kenny rushes back to help her but the wood slips thru her fingers. Kelly screams as she loses her grip only to be caught by Kenny who's hanging onto the bridge with one hand.

Kelly: "Lenny!"

Kenny: ("I got you Kelly it's okay.") The board he's holding breaks and they fall only to be saved by The quintuplets who've formed a human ladder to catch them."

Kelly: "We're saved."

Quintuplet: "Ready Girls."

"Natasha"

"Nadia"

"Glaces."

"Baltania"

"Natalia."

All together: "Quintuplet powers activate."

The Quintuplets curl up like a party noise maker and whip Kenny and Kelly back onto the platform."

Kelly: "Wow you saved us."

Quintuplet: "It was nothing."

Quintuplet: "Yeah."

The boys come out of the tunnel.

Stan: "Kenny what are you guys still doing here those guys are coming?"

Kenny: ("Kelly and I almost fell to her death and the quintuplets saved us.")

Cartman: "This is no time to talk about double stufs although they do sound good."

Several Super Adventure club soldiers come out and start shooting at the children as they run across the bridge and into a tunnel.

Meanwhile Conner and Benjamin turn down a corridor and run smack dab into a squad of soldiers Conner tries to fire his M1919 but it jams.

Conner: "JAM!" He tries to clear the jam.

British officer: "He's out of ammo get him!"

The soldiers run down the corridor and step on a panel triggering dart launchers mounted in the wall. The soldiers scream out in pain and stumble around one of them falls on another panel triggering punji stakes hidden in the floor which kill the rest of them.

Conner: Clears his jam. "Got it." He notices the dead soldiers impaled on the spikes. "Oh never mind."

The two of them head back down the corridor right smack into Stan and Kyle.

Conner: "Stan Kyle Tanker Tits!

Stan: "Conner!"

Kyle: "Your alive!"

They hug each other.

Gregory: wipes a tear "Good to see you alive again."

Conner: "You guys too."

Christophe: Walks up to him and pats him on the shoulder. "It's good to see you again Mon Camarade!" ((My Comrade.)) He wipes a tear from his eye.

Conner: "Are you...?"

Christophe: "No it's just some dust."

Gregory: Laughs.

Christophe: "Shut up you pussy english twat you were crying too."

Gregory: Breaks down into tears of laughter.

Christophe: "Shut up or I swear I'll shove my shovel up your ass so far that I'll strike your teeth!"

Conner joins in laughing too as well as Benjamin as they walk toward the exit.

Christophe: "I mean it Conner I will."

The other children join in laughing too.

Christophe: "Shut up all of you shut up! Oh to hell with it." He throws his hands up in frustration.

Benjamin: "Come on Conner let's get of here and go home."

Quintuplet: "Who are you talking to Conner?"

Quintuplet: "I think he has ADHD!"

Conner: Looks at Benjamin "You girls wouldn't understand."

Quintuplet: Turns to Kyle "What does he mean?"

Kyle: "Conner likes to talk to his brother sometimes."

Quintuplet: "But I don't see anyone."

Kyle: "Conner's brother actually died a year ago, He's had trouble coping with it."

The Quintupet raises her hand and draws a cuckoo with her finger.

Quintuplet: "Whatever I'm just glad this over."

The choir steps out only to be caught in the spotlight of Connelly's hind.

Connelly: "I'm afraid you children aren't going anywhere."

The leader of the Super Adventure Club along with Mr Graizer and several soldiers are waiting for them.

Conner, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Gregory and Christophe raise their guns at them but are dropped suddenly to the knees by a powerful unseen force.

Conner: "Argh!"

Stan: "My balls!"

Kyle: Screams "It's hurts."

Cartman: Screams like a little girl!

Gregory: High pitched voice "Oh bugger all!"

Stan: points at him "Ha ha you sound like a little bitch! Ow God that smarts!"

Christophe: "Mon Couilles! Ils Blessent!" (My balls they hurt.)

The boys all grab their balls in pain.

Connelly: "Resistance is futile my friends the more you resist the tighter the grip on your balls becomes."

Conner: "How the hell are you doing that?"

Connelly: "That would be your old friend here."

Darth Chef steps into view.

Darth Chef: "Hello children how would you like to suck my chocolate salty balls?"

Stan: "Chef!"

The Sith Pedophile twists his wrist causing the boys to black out in pain. Conner tries get back up but a soldier strikes him with the butt of his rifle knocking him out."

Connelly: "Prepare the ceremony."

The Super Adventure Club rounds up the children and loads them into the helicopter which lifts off into the sky.

Craig: "Ha told you so."

Craig watches as Stripe continues dancing to Wham.

Stripe: "Wake me up before you go go don't leave me hanging like a yo yo wake me up before you go go now take me dancing toniiiight."  
He stops dancing "It is now time."

Craig: "Finally my butt fell asleep half a day ago."

Stripe: "Now you might feel a slight tingling but don't worry because it's all part of the ritual now relax as I penetrate the barriers deep inside you and grab hold of your inner power."

Craig: "I need an adult."

Stripe: "I AM AN ADULLLLLLLLLLLT!"

The energy gathered by Stripe shoots out of his eyes into Craig as the entire dimension comes to life with light!

The epic music fades and Stripe's not done yet.

Craig: "Uh Stripe how long is this going to take?"

Stripe: "Just relax and let me reach down and pull out you inner power."

Craig: "I need an adult."

Stripe "I am an adult."

{Cut to Commerical.} 


	12. Chapter 12

{Return from commercial.}

Conner comes to in the foul dark pit from the beginning of the story.

Connelly: "Good your finally awake lift him up."

Two Super Adventure Club soldiers lift up by his arms out of a foul cesspit and drop him onto his knees.

Connelly: "I must admit Kurtz your determination and tenacity surprise me more and more every time we meet. Since you got here you've decimated my camp massacred my troops, eluded our air patrols and cheated certain death time and time again."

Conner: Spits out some muck. "Kurtz Conner 10222008 that's all your getting out of me."

Connelly: "Well that suits me just fine because your little rescue mission ends here."

Conner: "Why kidnap a gay little choir just to get your sick kicks? You should have known someone would take notice."

Connelly: Takes out Conner's Ka-bar and handles it. "Oh Conner it's much much larger than just a simple pleasure trip." He runs the blade along Conner's nipples. "Are you getting as turned on as I am right now?"

Conner: "Go eat a dick you sick bastard!"

Connelly takes the blade off his nipples and proceeds to unzip his pants.

Connelly: "Since you've come so far I don't see a problem in telling you whole story." He begins jacking off in front of Conner. "This valley ugh has long since been ugh home to the Guinea creatures ugh but it also holds another secret. ugh one that promises getting our kicks and unlimited power.

Conner: "Sounds incredibly stupid to me."

Connelly: Continues jacking off and running Conner's blade along the underside of his penis. while a b&w still of William P Phineas appears.

"About 1890 Our clubs ugh Founder William P Phineas set ugh off to discover the lost valley of ugh the Guineas deep in the Andes Mountains."

Shows Phineas once again being beaten by two other explorers who are then shown getting eaten by a Guinea creature.

"Phineas argh learned of the legend of rargh Cuymosabe and his brother Zampona *Begins speeding up* and of how the guardian of the valley would return in the form of a child when the guinea creatures got loose again."

Shows Phineas looking at the hieroglyphic of Craig.

"He realized that if he could have sex with this child this chosen one he could transfer his godlike power into him

Conner: "Thats the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life it makes no fucking sense."

Connelly: "God damn it now see what you made me do? I lost all my momentum. Oh well they'll be time for that later for you see inside every child there are tiny things called Marloks and when an Adult has sex with a child the marloks enter the adults body granting them immortality so say the ruler of Bethos. With the power of the chosen one flowing thru my testicles I will as a God to the rest of mankind."

Conner: "yeah that's still the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life."

Connelly: "Stupider than a man parting the red sea or a carpenter changing water into wine?"

Conner: "Oh yeah way stupider than that."

Connelly: "Well you will soon see it for yourself in the meantime Mr Slippy Fist is going to take good care of you."

Conner mind begins flashing back to his memories of Mr Graizer.

Flashback Conner: "Sir where are all the other recruits? Sir what's with that camera? Why are you taking your pants off? Why are you looking at me like that? "Mr Graizer please don't touch rifleman!"

Flashback Mr Graizer: "Oh please call me Mr Slippy Fist all the boys do."

Flashback ends.

Mr Graizer: "Remember me you little prick?"

Conner: "I remember busting your balls pretty good."

Mr Graizer: Grabs him by the neck. "I've been missing you so much ever since that day Conner, I love a young man with a lot of spunk."

Conner: "Go Fuck yourself."

Mr Graizer takes the knife from Connelly and runs it along Conner's bare chest.

Mr Graizer: "Oh you and me are going to get along just fine."

He cuts into Conner's chest, The young marine grits his teeth to prevent himself from screaming."

Connelly: "When your done with him Mr Graizer come find me at the ceremonial altar I'll be busy preparing for the chosen one's arrival."

Scene Break

Elsewhere the rest of the children are tied up together to wooden stakes atop a Incan Pyramid. Stan and Kyle come to with Darth Chef's face plate.

Darth Chef: "Hello there children how would like to suck my chocolate salty balls?"

Kyle: "C-C-Chef? is that you?"

Stan: "Your alive quick untie us before those guys come back!"

"I'm afraid boys that your friend Chef is one of us now."

Connelly steps into view along with several other explorers.

Cartman: "Hey your that leader of that fruity club that scrambled Chef's brains."

Connelly: "I am as you put it so eloquently William P Connelly leader of the Super Adventure Club."

Stan: "What are you going to do? Molest us? make videos of us naked? sell us on the black market."

Connelly: "All excellent suggestions lads but I've got something else in mind. You see your the bait to bring us the chosen one."

Kyle: "The chosen one?"

Connelly: "Your good friend Craig."

Cartman: "Uh He's not really our friend."

Connelly: "You see our club's Founder long ago discovered this valley while in search of isolated who's children he could be the first to molest. what he discovered was something much much greater."

{This is what the Super Adventure Club actually believes.}

"As you know all children have something inside them called Marloks and when an adult has sex with a child the Marloks flow from the child thru their erect penis and into the adult granting them immortality. He realized that if the guardian of this valley were to return in the form of a child that if he had sex with that child the sheer power of this child's Marlok level would grant him godlike powers so say the ruler of Bethos."

Stan: "Wow just when I thought your club couldn't get any more retarded."

Connelly: "After the pandemic was stopped we realized that this Child this chosen one must have been awakened. We put every asset we had into searching for them into we found your friend."

Stan: "He's not our friend."

Connelly : Ignores them. "When we found out he was friends with you we turned to your good friend Chef. You'd be surprised what we learned from him. When we learned your old choir group would be preforming in Peru along with your old friends in your little resistance and your little Romanian concubines we knew we had the perfect bait for you."

Stan: "Dude we hate those choir buttholes we hate that limey snob Gregory and we hate you."

Gregory: "Suck my knob you wanker."

Cartman: "Yeah and we hate that filthy British kid too."

Christophe: "I am French you Graisse Morceau De Merde!" {{Fat piece of shit.}}

Cartman: "Screw you Limey!"

Quintuplet: "And we hate you too you selfish arrogant jerks."

Cartman: "Oh good the cabbage patch C#nts are awake."

Quintuplet: "What's going on."

Cartman: "We're pretty much gonna get raped in the ass."

Quintuplets: Scream.

Quintuplet: "You idiots we're all doomed now thanks to you."

Stan: "What are you talking about?"

Quintuplet: "When the sunsets the chosen shall be awakened by incantation and dance by the five priestesses and song by the choir of the heavens the chosen one shall awaken and return to earth."

2nd Quintuplet: "Now we're all doomed thanks to you."

Stan: "Why did you wait until now to us?"

Quintuplet: "Because we hate you."

Kyle: "Well couldn't you not just do the dance?"

One of the quintuplets tears up and breaks down sobbing.

Stan: "Oh god no please please don't start crying now."

Quintuplet: "You have no idea how cruel those men have been to us. one way or another you do what they say."

Connelly: "Your little concubines are correct boys soon the stars will align and the chosen one shall return to earth and then The Super Adventure Club will be all powerful." He laughs evilly as the camera zooms up from his face."

Kelly: "Lenny hold me I'm scared."

Kenny reaches back behind him and holds Kelly's hand.

Kyle: "You won't get away with this you bastards. Conner will find you and stop you."

Connelly: "Aw yes your little one man army I'm afraid your hero is busy playing sissy to Mr Graizer."

Kyle: "Mr Graizer our old Scout Master who took naked pictures of us."

Scene Break.

Mr Graizer finishes fondling Conner's nipples with his Ka Bar.

Mr Graizer: "You still resist in screaming huh Kurtz you're strong I like strong boys."

Conner: tortured breaths. "You won't get any pleasure out of me you pedophile piece of shit."

Conner's chest is covered with bruises cuts and welts.

Mr Graizer: " Well we can just take our time I've waited over a year for this might as well savor it." He strikes Conner across the face and knocks him to the ground.

Conner: "Savor it while you can Graizer as soon as I get out of here I'm coming to get you."

Suddenly Mr Graizer's radio beeps.

Mr Graizer: "Graizer here!"

Connelly: "Graizer I need you back here on the double we are about to begin the ritual."

Mr Graizer: "I'm on my way over and out." He looks over at Conner. Well little man I think we'll just have to reschedule our little playdate." He kicks Conner back into the pit. "Don't you even think about dying before I get back Kurtz, I'm not finished with you."

The soldiers shut the top of the pit door shut. One of them jacks off onto his face before leaving.

Scene Break

The full moon begins to rise over the Andes as William Connelly and the Super Adventure Club prepare to begin the ritual atop the ancient altar.

The Quintuplets are back in their Incan Slave Leia outfits and the choir is brought forward to begin the ritual with the boys along with Gregory and the Mole left tied up to watch.

Connelly: "The time is nigh prepare everything for the ritual."

The soldiers bring out Incan drums, pan flutes, canjo'nes, and Wakrapuku's and force the choir kids to pick them up at gunpoint.

Stan: "What are you guys doing?"

Jake: "We're sorry Stan we tried to escape we really did but it's no use."

Kyle: "What are you talking about?"

Kelly: "They forced us to rehearse for weeks expecting your arrival, the Incantation states that the voice of a young priestess will bring about the return of the chosen one." She sheds a tear and raises her sleeve revealing several lashes. "We didn't want to do this believe me. "

Connelly: "Oh but you will my dear I promise you." His tone turns crueler. "Will or the alternative will be most unpleasant."

Kenny: ("Leave her alone you heartless bastard.")

Ze Mole: "Z'his entire ordeal was to get you to bring z'e chosen one back to Peru."

Gregory: "You can't imagine what they did to us."

Kyle: "Chef you've got to do something your a not a pedophile your our friend! These cultists have brainwashed you."

Darth Chef: "It is...too late...for me...boys...Connelly is my master now."

Cartman: "Please Chef I don't want to made love to by a bunch of middle aged white men!"

Stan: "There is still good in you Chef I believe in you."

Connelly: "Chef stop dawdling and get over here, Our window is closing fast."

The Cyborg looks over at the boys somberly and walks over to Connelly.

Kyle: "I know deep down in there is the friend that used to sing songs to us and help us with our problems. They can take that away from you."

Chef looks over and turns back to Connelly.

Scene Break.

Conner Squats in the dark pit as the story comes full circle back to the beginning of the story.

Conner: "Bring the kids home wipe the slate clean." He looks up out thru the bars. "Should have been the easiest mission in the world." He looks down somberly. "My getting back home doesn't matter anymore but I can't just sit here and let that bastard Grazier and his leash handler Connelly have their sick way with the others."

Conner suddenly hears footsteps approaching he looks up to See Benjamin looking at him thru the bars.

Benjamin: "Conner there you are what are you doing laying about the ritual is about to begin?"

Conner: "It's no use these ropes are too tight and you can't break them for me because your just a figment of my mind."

Benjamin: "Conner I may not really be your brother but I'm more than just a vision of your brother brought on by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I'm your conscience your moral compass to tell you what's right and wrong and I'm telling you right now that this is no time to accept defeat."

Conner looks up at him.

Conner: "Your always with me every step of the way huh?"

Benjamin: "No Conner I was never with you. Trekking on your own that manhunt in South Park, This mission it was always you Conner. Your a raging little bastard with a rock hard little dick. Your parents and brother would be so proud of how tough you've become."

Conner: "your right now how do I get out of this pit?"

A bright golden aura appears before Conner and a young man dressed in full marine dress steps out.

Benjamin: "I think I help with that."

Conner faces brightens up as his real brother breaks open the grate and the two of them hoist him out of the pit.

Conner: "So what do we do now?"

The two Benjamin's look at each other."

Conner/ Benjamin? : "Now."

Benjamin: "We Fight For Love

Cue Montage.

Conner and his brothers suit up for battle as a DVDA Peruvian Flute Cover of We Fight For Love By The Power Station plays.

Conner and both Benjamin's lace their boots up.

DVDA: "I Will Protect you/ Nothing can hurt you/ no storm clouds gathering terrify."

Conner crafts a hunting knife from stone.

DVDA: "I Am a Mountain/ Surrounded by your love/ You are a fountain that dreams are made of.

Conner Crafts a spear and an "estolica." (Spear launcher.)

DVDA :We Fight for Love

Conner crafts a bow and sharpens some arrowheads from stone.

DVDA: "We fight for love."

Conner covers his body with mud and slices open an oversized berry for juice.

DVDA: Fight for Love.

Conner Applies the mud and juice to his face and body like Incan Warpaint.

DVDA: "Somewhere...Somehow...Someone."

Conner sharpens several punji stakes and places them in his pit.

DVDA: "Somewhere...Somehow...Someone."

Conner squats down and poops on the ground. He picks it up.

Benjamin: "What are you a Chimpanzee?"

Conner: "you'll see."

DVDA: "I fight with fire."

Conner rubs his feces all over the spikes

DVDA : "As I watch them conspire/ To blow my world apart."

Conner breaks the bars slightly and covers the top with vines.

DVDA: "Between the light and the Endless Night."

Conner primes a spring loaded punji trap."

DVDA: "You will always be in my heart."

Conner Crafts a blow pipe and some darts.

DVDA: "We fight For Love."

Conner picks up a Tarantula with a stick and milks it's fangs for venom which he dips the tips of his darts into.

DVDA: "We fight for love."

Conner with some help from Benjamin rolls a huge stone ring up a hill and rigs a block to a vine to hold it in place.

DVDA: "Fight for Love."

Conner picks up the tooth of a guinea creature and ties it to a stick to make an axe.

DVDA: "Somewhere...Somehow...Someone..."

Conner lights a fire giving us a view of him His face, chest, arms, stomach, shoulders ad back are covered with warpaint and he carries several spears a launcher, a blow pipe, a bow with arrows, a knife and an axe.

DVDA: "Somewhere...Somehow...Someone."

He raises his axe into the air and emits a war cry.

Conner: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Scene Break

Back at the altar the boys hear the war cry and notice the smoke in the distance.

Stan: "That noise?"

Kyle: "Is it him?"

Gregory: "Bloody right it is."

Christophe: "You just can't keep that raging batard down for long."

The other children hear the War cry and their faces light up with hope.

Kelly: "He's alive."

The quintuplet's faces light up as the rest of choir smiles. But a swift crack of a whip and Connelly makes his presence known.

Connelly: "Mr Graizer hunt down and kill that little thorn in my balls."

Mr Graizer: "It would be my pleasure Sir! LET"S MOVE OUT!"

The soldiers return to their truck and armored cars and head out into the jungle to pursue Conner.

On a rock over looking the temple Conner watches with both Benjamin's as Graizer's Convoy rolls toward him."

Conner: "Now we finish this."

Benjamin: "One way."

Conner/Benjamin?: "Or another."

Cut to Commercial. 


	13. Chapter 13

{Return from commercial.}

The Super Adventure Club soldiers led by Mr Graizer head into the jungle in pursuit of Conner unaware he is watching them from a treetop his silhouette illuminated by a flash of lightening.

Mr Graizer: "Alright men He's got to be hiding somewhere in the jungle keep your peeled, He's a wily one."

Conner disappears into the jungle growth.

((Note the following is a kill montage.))

A soldier under a tree branch unaware Conner is right above him. He draws his bow and fires an arrow tied to a vine hitting the soldier in the neck before jumping down and pulling the man up into the tree until he asphyxiates.

Another soldier searches around a corner before Conner sneaks up behind him and delivers an axe chop to the back.

A soldier walks by an area wearing a pair of infrared goggles.

Soldier: "Come out come out where ever you are."

Conner's face materializes in the mud behind him and before the soldier sees him Conner jumps out onto his back and stabs him.

Another soldier searches around some vines poking them with his rifle when suddenly a vine noose whips around his neck and breaks it.

Another soldier is searching near a stream when Conner burst out from under the water and fires an arrow hitting him in the chest.

A soldier walking thru the jungle trips a vine releasing a swing out board of punji sticks which pierce his legs.

Soldier: "RRRRAAAAAARRRRGH!"

Another soldier rushes to help him and steps on a spiked board which impales him in the chest.

The first soldier looks behind him to see Conner right behind him. His screams are cut short by Conner who slices his throat.

Two more soldiers are searching near a water fall when one is shot in the neck with a poison dart, As he screams in agony from the venom his colleague fires wildly in fear before taking a dart to the groin. Both soldiers stagger and scream in pain until the fall down dead.

Back at Macchu Picchu Cartman suddenly feels a chill and gets pissed off for no good reason.

Cartman: "AW GOD DAMMIT CONNER!"

Kyle: "What are you talking about Cartman?" 

Cartman: "THAT JARHEAD ASSHOLE JUST SHOT SOMEONE IN THE DICK WITH A POISON DART!"

The boys look at Cartman and break into laughter.

Cartman: "SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES IT'S NOT COOL YOU DON'T JUST GO AROUND SHOOTING PEOPLE IN THE DICK!"

Stan: "It's still funny thou."

Kyle: "Yeah Totally."

Kenny: ("Totally.")

Kelly: "Totally."

Quintuplets: "Totally."

Choir: "Totally"

Gregory: "Totally."

Christophe: "C'est Hilarant!"

Darth Chef: "You know sir it is pretty funny."

Connelly: "Yes Quite."

Cartman: "AW SCREW YOU GUYS!"

Back in the jungle.

Three more soldiers search for Conner around the bend.

British Soldier: "Alright men he's got to be up ahead eyes peeled and what ever you do don't drop your guard even for a sec...ARGH!" Before he can finish he takes an arrow to the knee. "Oh bloody E'l" Wallace get a medic up here."

Wallace: "Hey Nigel I just thought of something."

Nigel: "What!"

Wallace: "You used to be an officer in the Super Adventure Club but you then you took an arrow in the..." Before Wallace can finish He takes an arrow in the mouth and goes down."

Nigel: Laughs. "Serves you right you bloody wank...Argh." He takes an arrow in the other knee. "Bloody E'll he did it again!

Up in his treetop nest Conner smirks.

Conner: "Ain't I a stinker."

He notices the other soldier fleeing and draws another arrow.

Nigel: "Winston you spineless sod get back here."

Before Winston can cut and run He takes an arrow in the butt and goes down.

Winston: "Gor Blimey That's me buggered."

Nigel: "It certainly is you little...Argh." He takes arrow in the eye and goes down dead."

Winston: "Ha looks like I got the last laugh you Nancy...Argh!" He takes a arrow in the other cheek. "This is the worst pain ever...Rargh!" He takes another arrow to the butt and another and another another and about eleven more."

Winston's cries attract the attention of the other soldiers who all come running for help.

Soldier: "Winston hang on o'l chap we're now and..." The soldiers break into laughter at the site of Winston with a quiver full of arrows in his butt.

Winston: "Oh Ha ha very funny Bottomly just get these Arrows out of my Arse before he...Conner cuts him off with a arrow thru the head."

Bottomly: "Well bugger Alright men he's got to be somewhere up ahead tally ho!"

The soldiers charge up the hill while Conner and Benjamin watch from behind a tree.

Conner: "Are they in position?"

Benjamin: "Not yet almost." He counts down from five with his finger 1. "NOW!"

Conner pulls the vine holding the stop block in place and releases the boulder down the hill."

Winston: "Bloody e'll run for it men."

The soldiers run from the boulder. however unlike more successful explorers they are crushed like ten pins and killed.

Meanwhile Mr Graizer realizes things are not going as planned.

Mr Graizer: "What the hell's going on up there somebody answer me damn it!"

Soldier over the radio: "Well Mr Graizer we had him cornered except he..."

Mr Graizer: "Except what?"

Soldier: "Well Sir he kinda dropped a boulder on us and."

Mr Graizer: "And what? Don't give any excuses soldier how many guys do we have left?

Soldier: "It's just me sir and ARGH!" Conner kills the soldier with a atatl launched spear."

Mr Graizer: "Well pull yourself together I'm on way."

The soldier dies and craps himself.

Back up in the tree Conner notices Mr Graizer leading another platoon of soldiers toward the campsite, He looks over to Benjamin and the two of them head over to the campfire and begin preparing fire arrows and spears for the encounter.

The soldiers meanwhile have followed the smoke trail back toward the ruins thru tall grass. unaware of the threat in the trees above.

Conner eyes his prey coldly and emotionlessly his muscles tensed and prepared waiting for just the right moment. With a loud war cry he launches his flaming spear into the grass and ignites it turning the field into a an inferno.

The soldiers panic and proceed to run from the flames tripping and stumbling over one another in an attempt to escape.

In the chaos below him Conner watches with trepidation of a predator the flames illuminating his painted face. He sees some soldiers fleeing the brush some on fire, He calmly draws his bow and fires off several arrows hitting most of them until suddenly...KRACK!" Without warning he is shot in the arm. by Mr Graizer who's holding a sniper rifle."

Mr Graizer: "Got you now you little bastard." He takes aim at Conner who realizing he can't shoot his bow. takes cover behind a stone column.

Mr Graizer: "What's the matter Kurtz, Too scared to fight anymore?"

He walks up the steps of the ruins toward Conner's campfire.

Mr Graizer: "Come on out I promise I'll be gentle with you."

Conner hides behind a stone column holding his arm to halt the bleeding.

Mr Graizer sees the trail of blood drops and follows it to the stone column. He pulls out a grenade and pulls the pin with his teeth and spits it out.

Mr Graizer: "Heh heh heh." He throws the grenade behind the column where it bounces off the wall and lands at Conner's feet.

Thinking quickly Conner is forced to jump out into the open just before the grenade explodes and stuns him.

Conner tries pull himself up but Mr Graizer puts his boot down on his gunshot wound.

Conner: "RARGH!"

Mr Graizer: Digs his boot into Conner's wound and starts twisting it. "I got to say Kurtz your a true warrior to the end I respect that. He puts the barrel of his rifle to Conner's head. "Unfortunately for you this is the end."

Benjamin appears behind Conner.

Benjamin: "Come on Conner get up!"

Conner: Grits in pain "I can't."

Benjamin? appears as well.

Benjamin? : "Your friends are counting on you those choir kids are counting on you are you just going to give up and let this fruity little club have their way with them?"

Conner: Grits in pain. "But what can I do?"

Benjamin: "Play to his inner pedophile."

Conner: Grits in pain "Your joking right?"

Benjamin?: "Your brother is right Graizer's a low life pedophile who can't resist temptation use it against him."

Benjamin: "You can beat him Conner I believe in you."

Benjamin? : "But you have to believe in yourself."

Benjamin and Benjamin? fade away.

Mr Graizer: "Any last words."

Conner: "You don't want to kill me this way do you?"

Mr Graizer is taken aback.

Mr Graizer: "What are you talking about?"

Conner: Laughs in pain. "I know you Mr Slippy Fist you don't want to shoot me and be done with it." He looks up at Mr Graizer with a thousand yard stare. "But take your penis and stick it in me look me in the eyes as you turn it. Come on Graizer I only have one arm you can beat me don't deny yourself a little pleasure after coming so far."

Mr Graizer looks at him with a sick grin and manic look in his eyes.

Mr Graizer: "I don't need this gun." He throws it on the ground. "I DON'T NEED THIS GUN AND DON'T NEED YOUR LITTLE KNIFE!" He tosses it on the ground and unzips his shorts taking his boot off Conner's wound." I'M GONNA RAPE YOU KURTZ!

He charges at Conner in a rage who horse kicks him in the groin hard then sweeps kicks him off his feet before springing back onto his feet. He rushes for his knife but Mr Graizer beats him to it and comes at him with a swipe."

Mr Graizer: "You scared little man well you better be cause this big bad Scout Master is about to RAPE YOUR ASS!"

Conner: "I eat Scout Masters for breakfast and RIGHT NOW I'M VERY HUNGRY!"

Conner dodges his next swipe and knocks his knife out of Mr Graizer's hand with a reverse roundhouse kick followed by a jumping sidekick to the groin.

Mr Graizer: high pitched voice "YOU TENDER LITTLE ASSHOLE!"

He stumbles back onto his feet and grabs his rifle aiming at Conner who grabs his knife.

Mr Graizer: "I'm gonna fill you body full of holes and fornicate every single...RARGH!"

Conner throws his knife which sticks right into Mr Graizer's penis causing the Scout Master drop his rifle and drop to his knees.

Conner calmly walks over looks at the Scout Master with a stoic warrior's stare.

Mr Graizer: Pleading "Please have mercy."

Conner grabs hold of the knife handle tightly and pulls it out castrating Mr Graizer.

Conner: "I'll make it quick."

He slashes the Scout Master scrotum and stabs him in the chest driving it in deep with a series of roundhouse kicks and sending Mr Graizer crashing into the covered pit where he is impaled up the rectum and legs.

Mr Graizer: shaking with tears streaming down his eyes from the pain.

Conner: "You need to rub one out Graizer."

The Scout Master releases his bowels and dies with his eyes wide open. In a show of undeserved but notable empathy Conner closes his eyes for him.

Benjamin: "Conner what are you doing let's go."

Conner looks up and sees the clouds gathering over the temple as the stars above begin to align into nazca lines of Guinea creatures pan flutes and Craig.

Benjamin?: "Come on Conner we're running out of time."

Conner: Nods. "Right."

Back at the Temple The Quintuplets and the choir continue their dance routine as an electric blue light shoots out from the Alter and into the skies.

Connelly: "Yes Yes Muhahahahahaha the time of our fruity little club's destiny is at hand!"

The Boys watch as the alter's light grows brighter and brighter.

Kyle: "Chef please you can't let them do this to you your not a pedophile your our friend."

Chef: "Do not despair children soon the power of the Chosen one will be ours and we can go back to my bed and make sweet love."

Kyle: "Then your dead Chef your truly dead and your never ever coming back." He sheds a single tear.

Stan: "Kyle Look." He points over to the raging fire in the forest.

Kyle: "Conner he's still alive."

Meanwhile Conner and both his brothers race thru the burning jungle dodging fleeing guinea creatures and burning fauna.

Conner: "Which way do we go now?"

Benjamin: "This way!"

Benjamin?: "Don't slow down."

The three heroes race to the end of the jungle only to be confronted by Connelly's Hind which catches them in it's search light.

Conner: Shields his eyes. "Shit what do we do now?

Up high in the heavens above the lightening shooting from Stripes eyes to Craig's suddenly crackles and intensifies."

Stripe: "It is done Cuymosabe your true power has been awakened the time to return to earth is nigh."

Craig: Lightening shooting into his eyes. "What?"

Stripe: "I said the time is Nigh!"

The beam of light shooting into the heavens reaches them.

Stripe: "The Wormhole is open!"

Craig: "Oh Shit what the hell is this."

Stripe: "This is your Destiny."

Craig: "I don't want to be the chosen one anymorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!"

They both pulled into the vortex and back down to earth. 


	14. Chapter 14

(Return from Commercial.)

Narrator: "Previously on South Park."

Mr Graizer: "Are you scared little man cause this big bad Scout Master is about to RAPE YOUR ASS!"

Conner: "I eat Scout Master's for breakfast and RIGHT NOW I'M VERY HUNGRY."

They fight which ends with Mr Graizer taking a knife to the groin and being finished off by Conner with series of reverse roundhouse kicks sending him into the punji pit.

Connelly: "Yes Yes Muhahahahahahaha! the time of our fruity little club's destiny is at hand."

Kyle: "Chef please you can't let them do this to you your not a pedophile your our friend."

Darth Chef: "Do not despair children soon the chosen one's power will be ours and then we can go back to my bed and make sweet love."

Kyle: "Then your dead Chef your truly dead and your never ever coming back." He sheds a tear.

Conner and Benjamin race thru the burning forest.

Conner: "Which way is out of here?"

Benjamin: "This way."

Benjamin?: "Don't slow down."

They reach the end of the rainforest only to be caught in the searchlight of Connelly's Hind."

Conner: "Shit! What do we do now?"

Stripe: "The Wormhole is open."

Craig: "Oh Shit what the hell is this?"

Stripe: "This is your destiny!"

They are sucked into the wormhole and pulled back to Earth.

Craig: "I don't to be the Chosen one anymorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!"

Narrator: "And now the stirring Climax."

Connelly: "Oh yes."

Narrator: "Ew way to kill to the moment."

Craig falls back to earth and appears on the Altar stone wearing Incan garbs and an Incan patterned version of his Chullo hat."

Craig: Throws up. "I'm back here again Fan fucking tastic." He looks around seeing the boys tied up on sticks the quintuplets in slave leia bikinis and and an armed group of explorers some of whom have their pants down.

"What's going on here?"

Connelly Grabs him from behind.

"What the hell?"

Connelly: "Finally the chosen one is in my hands!"

He begins taking off Craig's pants.

Craig: "What the hell are you doing stop Help Help! I need an adult! I need an Adult!"

Connelly: "I am an adult."

Craig: "An adult other than this creepy explorer guy!"

Cartman: "I know we're all going to die and everything but still this makes it all worthwhile."

Craig: "Fuck you Fatty Fudge Fucker!" He shoots lightening out his eyes at Cartman. "Wait what am I doing I've got kickass lightening vision." He looks at Connelly and charges up his eyes. "Respect my Chosen one authoritargh!"

Darth Chef applies his force grope to Craig's junk causing his eyes to revert to normal.

Craig: High pitched voice "Oh Fuck."

Cartman breaks down laughing.

Craig: High pitched voice "Fuck you guys Fuck you all!"

Cartman laughs even harder.

Connelly unzips his pants revealing his blurred out junk.

Connelly: "Yes Chosen One struggle all you like I can feel the marloks in you tender body on the tip of my penis.

A small bolt of blue lightening shoots out of Craig's butt and into the tip of Connelly's penis causing Craig immense pain.

Cartman: Stops laughing abruptly "Oh shit that's right we're next."

Christophe: "Gentlemen I'm afraid to say z'hat we are without a doubt fucked."

Gregory: "Yep it sure looks that way doesn't it."

Kyle: pleadingly "Chef please help him for god's sake he's our friend your friend this isn't you."

Stan: "Whenever we had trouble we turned to you for advice and you'd help us out with whatever we were dealing with."

Kyle: tearing up. "This isn't who you are this fruity club scrambled our brains and changed you. Wake up Chef Wake up!"

Stan: Turns toward the screen. "Everyone out there if you believe in true friendship then say it with us Wake up Chef Wake Up!"

Cartman: "Dude what are you doing?"

Stan: "I dunno I'm desperate and I don't want to be raped in the ass."

Craig: "A little late for me."

Gregory: "Figures never send a boy to do a man's job."

An Explorer walks up to Gregory and takes off his pants.

Explorer: Cockney accent. "E'llo love how's about a peck on the head?"

Gregory: Terrified: "Th-then again th-there's no points off for trying I suppose YARGH!"

Connelly: "Sorry boys you came so far and yet far enough it's been a good hunt but all good things come to an end."

In the distance Connelly's Hind appears in the distance.

Connelly: "Ah Graizer's back from the hunt I see fashionably late as usual."

Stan: "Oh my God Conner."

Connelly: "Yes I'm afraid boys that your little soldier friend is nothing more shriveled up prune of his former self If I know Graizer then there's probably not a single marlok left in him."

The Hind pilot presses a button on the flight stick and launches a rocket barrage at the temple blowing up two trucks full of SAC soldiers.

Connelly: "THE FUCK?!"

Conner is in the cockpit of the hind with Benjamin sitting in front of him.

Conner: "OORAH! THE MARINES HAVE LANDED BITCHES!"

Benjamin: "Ha ha ha ha."

Stan: "It's Conner He's alive!"

Kyle: "He made it."

Gregory: "About Bloody time."

Christophe: "Another minute and Gregory would buggered for sure."

Gregory: "Aw sod off Christophe."

Conner opens up the gunship's rocket pods and cannon on the Super Adventure Club blowing up tanks, trucks and soldiers

Connelly: "Don't just stand there you dolts bring him down!"

The Super Adventure Club soldiers take out M72 Rocket launchers and take open fire on Conner's gunship one rocket almost hitting the tail rotor and shaking the helicopter.

Benjamin: "Shit that was too close we have to set her down."

Conner sets the Gunship down at the bottom of the temple and is almost immediately surrounded by the surrounding Super Adventure Club soldiers.

Benjamin? :"Get on the side turret and hold them off."

Conner climbs out of the cockpit and into the cabin he loads the side mounted machine gun and begins firing on the enemy.

In the midst of the chaos The Quintuplets take the opportunity to slip over to the boys and untie them.

Quintuplet: Unties Stan "Just hold still a moment."

The other 4 untie the rest of the boys.

Stan: "Wow thanks."

Kyle: "So we're cool now right?"

Quintuplet: "We still hate you but not as much."

The girls are suddenly thrust against a wall by force shove.

Darth Chef: Holds Kelly hostage with his light spatula to her throat. "Hello there children how would you like to suck my chocolate salty balls and I'm not talking about my testicles."

Kenny: ("Kelly!")

Kelly: "Lenny help me."

Kyle: "Let her go Chef."

Darth Chef: "I'll let her go Kyle if you let me sodomize your tight little jew ass."

Kyle: Holds his butt tight "Chef sick!"

Kenny: Picks up a stick ("Let her go Chef this is between you and me.")

Darth Chef: "If that is your destiny so be it." He drops Kelly who rushes over to Kenny's side.

Kelly: "Oh Lenny I was so scared."

Kenny: ("It's okay baby I got you now.") He looks over to the others and pulls his hood down. "Get everyone down the steps I'll hold Chef off."

Kyle: "Kenny No that's exactly what he wants."

Kenny: "No Kyle this is something I have to do."

Kelly: "Lenny you can't leave me."

Kenny: " Kelly I promise I'll make it back."

Christophe: "Kyle We have to go now Conner needs our help."

Cartman: "Yeah Jew besides I've got a score to settle with these butt pirates." Picks up an M60."

Craig : "Uh Guys a little help here?"

Kyle: "Craig!"

Stan: "Oh yeah I totally forgot about him."

Craig: "I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH."

Stan: "Okay new plan Kenny fights Chef the rest of us save Craig."

Craig: "That's better now hurry up!...please!"

Stan: "Gregory Get down there and help out Conner."

Gregory: Draws his sword. "You can count on me Stan."

Stan: "Yeah yeah yeah just get going already."

Meanwhile at the foot of the temple Conner continues to hold off the advancing soldiers with the turret unfortunately he runs out of ammo.

Conner: "I'm out!" He opens the gun and attempts to reload a new belt into it but suddenly a shot rings out and Conner grabs his shoulder in pain. "ARRGH!" He grabs his pistol and fires several times hitting a soldier before another one kicks the gun out of his hand and bashes him in the head with his rifle stock."

Soldier: presses his rifle to Conner's face. "Say Goodbye you little Sod."

Gregory: "CHARGE!"

Christophe: "Attaque!" (French for Attack.)

Soldier: "What the?"

The choir kids throw rocks at the soldiers down below.

Peruvian soldier: "Grenada!"

The soldiers thinking there being showered with grenades run for cover.

Conner: Gets up and stabs the soldier in leg and neck with his ka bar. "Hello Deus Ex Machinema!" He picks up the soldiers M1 rifle and loads a rifle grenade onto it. "Frag out!" He launches a grenade at the soldiers below blowing up a Jeep before getting back on the helicopter turret, reloading it and resumes raining lead on the remaining soldiers until the last one falls dead.

Gregory: "It's all clear lets move!"

Gregory and The Mole lead the choir and the quintuplets down the temple steps to the waiting helicopter.

Conner: "Where's Stan and his friends?"

Gregory: points to the shining light on top of the pyramid "Still at the top of the temple."

Conner: "Alright get everyone in the back."

Kelly: "What about Lenny?"

Conner:" We give them 15 minutes If they're not down by then then we'll have to leave without them.."

Kelly: "What? You can't do that."

The temple shakes and rumbles.

Tommy: "I don't think we have much choice Kelly."

Conner: "Alright everyone in the passenger cabin Christophe can you man the side mounted gun?"

Christophe: "E't would be a pleasure."

The choir boards the helicopter while on the ground a sound of barking fills the air.

Christophe: "Dogs!"

A pack of vicious dogs appear and charge toward the choir.

Christophe: "Con'ner Greg'ory get z'he chopper ready to go." He unsheathes his shovel."

Gregory: "You remember what happened the last time this happened?"

Christophe: "All too well Mon Amie z'here is no time to talk just get everyone on board and go."

Gregory: "Christophe!"

Conner: Puts his hand on Gregory's shoulder. "Let him go."

Gregory: "But?"

Conner: "His mind is made up."

Gregory: "Christophe?"

Christophe: "Oui?"

Gregory: "Give E'm Hell"

The dogs charge toward Christophe as the rest of the choir boards the helicopter and prepares to lift off.

At the same time on top of the temple Kenny duels with Darth Chef while the boys try to rescue Craig.

Kenny starts off bad when Darth Chef's light spatula cut his stick in half in one blow forcing Kenny to dodge and avoid his blows.

Darth Chef: "You cannot run forever!" He picks up a stone pillar with the force and throws it toward Kenny."

Kenny: Gets hit by the pillar and smashed into a wall.

Stan: "Oh my god Chef killed Kenny!"

Kyle: "You bastard!"

Kenny: Pushes off the pillar and stands up. "I'm not Quite dead. How do I look?" His face is smashed his nose is broken and he's missing several teeth."

Cartman: "Looking good Bra!"

Darth Chef: "Impressive Most impressive."

Kenny: "You'll find I'm full of surprises." He takes a ninja stance "Spin Blossum Nut Squash!" He spins like a top toward Chef."

Darth Chef: "Suck my Shiny Metal Robot BALLS!" Kenny crashes into his groin. "Ow my Shiny Metal Robot Balls!" He goes down.

Kenny quickly picks up his spatula and closes in Chef tries to grope Kenny's balls but Kenny cuts off his hand."

Darth Chef: "ARRGH! My Metal Robot Groping Hand!"

Cartman Stan and Kyle and Kenny rush in to free Craig.

Craig: "Hurry up you assholes!"

Kenny manages to cut Craig loose from the altar before they are electrocuted by lightening from Connelly's balls.

The Boys: Scream in intense pain.

Connelly: "Very impressive boys you've managed to thwart my plans at every turn but alas all for nought I've collected enough of your friends Marloks to finish you for good." He gives them a larger jolt.

The Boys: Scream in intense pain.

Connelly: "What have you got to say for yourselves?" He electrocutes them again. blowing up my prison camp freeing my choir tour killing our club members and ruining all my wonderful plans." He electrocutes them again. "

The boys scream in pain tears flowing from their eyes.

Connelly: "Now young ones you will die." He unleashes his largest blast yet causing the boys agonizing pain.

Kyle: tearing pain "Chef...Help us!" Tears roll down his face.

Darth Chef: Looks on the boys suffer in agony at the hands of his master feels something rise up inside him. He grabs Connelly and lifts him up.

Connelly: "Chef what are you doing? Put me down this instant!" The Mechanical custodian ignores the electricity shooting from Connelly's penis into his as he drags over to the edge of the pyramid. "Chef Stop this desist I'm warning you you'll go straight to the hole for this! No NO NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chef throws him off the the top of the pyramid where he is impaled on a branch and explodes into a mass of blue light but not before voiding his bowels.

Darth Chef: Breathing irregularly he collapses to his knees. The boys seeing him in pain help him up.

Kyle: "Chef You did it you saved us!"

Stan: "Yeah way to go Chef!"

Cartman: "Your the best Chef!"

Chef collapses to the ground in pain.

Kenny: "What's wrong Chef?"

Darth Chef: "Children help me take this mask off."

Stan: "But Chef You'll die."

Darth Chef: "Nothing can change that now please let me look on you with my own eyes."

The boys remove his metal chef's hat and mask revealing the half torn face of their old School cafeteria chef.

Chef: "Now Go Children."

Kyle: "You can't die Chef We're supposed to save you!"

The gunship appears overhead carrying Conner and La Resistance.

Chef: "You already have children." His voice grows weaker as his life support systems fail. "N..ow...Go...Chil...dren." His life support suit fails and his eyes close."

Stan: "No NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chef voids his bowels.

Craig: "Aw gross."

The gunship settles next to the top of the pyramid as the doors open.

Gregory: "Come on we've got to get out of here!"

Kyle: "We can't leave Chef behind!"

"The Temple continues to collapse."

Conner: "There's no time this whole place is coming down!"

The quintuplets form a human bridge to the helicopter and the boys bring Chef across to the cabin.

Stan: "Alright that's everyone lets go!"

"ATTENZ MOI! ATTENZ MOI!"

Gregory: "Is that?"

Christophe Comes racing up the top of the temple riding an Rhodesian Ridgeback like a Cowboy Clown at a Quebec rodeo."

Quintuplet: "It's the Mole!"

Gregory: "He's alive!"

Christophe and the Dog pack come thundering across the Quintuplet's back and into the gunship. The girls swing themselves one by one back into the cabin and close the door.

Gregory: Hugs The Mole tight. "Christophe how did you do it."

Christophe: "I came prepared z'his time." He holds up a dog whistle. " Ever since I came back I've kept z'his dog whistle hidden up my ass." He holds up the smelly dog whistle.

Everyone repulses in disgust.

Quintuplets: Scream "Eh brut" ((Romanian for Ew Gross.))

Gregory: "For Gods Sake Christophe put that away."

Conner: "Everyone Hang On!"

The gunship pulls away in the nick of time as the pyramid collapses and explodes in a massive blue light.

Later as the sun rises over the Andes as Day By Day From Rambo Part 2 plays.

The helicopter flies over the mountains with the missing choir inside.

Conner: "Milkman to Dairyland Milkman to Dairyland come in Dairyland."

Back in the ops center the word comes in over the intercom.

Conner: "Dairyland this is Milkman do you copy Dairyland?"

Sergeant Halfcock Mrs Garthunk and The Company President hear the phrase over the radio.

Sergeant Halfcock: Picks up the headset. "We hear you loud and clear talk to me Conner."

Conner: "Mission Accomplished Missing Choir secured The Quintuplets too RTB to Chavez National Airport in 3 hours."

The President and Mrs Garthunk's faces light up and they hug tightly.

Sergeant Halfcock: "Roger that Conner we'll have a flight waiting at the airport when you arrive over."

The helicopter flies off into the sunrise.

{Cut to Commercial.} 


	15. Epilogue

{Return from Commercial.}

A slideshow of images appears as Conner narrates to us.

An Image of Conner in Uniform appears.

Conner: "Bring the kids home wipe the slate clean In spite of seemingly impossible odds the mission was a success."

Shows an image of the children disembarking at Denver International Airport to Cheering crowds and joyful reunions with parents.

Conner: "The choir children were safely returned home to their parents and as Sergeant Halfcock Promised I received a pardon from the President himself."

Shows Conner being congratulated by President Obama himself.

Conner:" He even awarded me the Congressional Medal of Honor the first time in history it's been awarded to a minor. The truth involving Super Adventure Club and the prophecy to control the world was kept classified. The official report was the children had abducted by child traffickers."

Shows a big welcome home celebration in South Park.

"After a day of celebration arranged by the Mayor to boost her ratings in the polls no doubt The children went their separate ways."

"Gregory Went back to Yardale to get away from all the Redneck American insanity as he put it. Thou he promised He'd come at a moments notice if we needed his help."

Shows Gregory shaking hands with Conner as his family packs up to leave.

Conner: "The first thing Christophe did to his Mother when he got home was bitch about the hell he'd been put through because she signed him up to that gay little choir. He got grounded for a month but good news He's lost his fear of dogs."

Shows Christophe, Mica and Uma playing with the dogs Christophe rescued."

[Conner: "He said if I ever need a foxhole buddy to call him.]

[Shows the Vladchick Quintuplets preforming at a circus in French Canada.]

Conner: "The Quintuplets moved to Canada and got their act back together."

[The audience cheers as the Vladchick sisters take a bow.]

"They said they'd save a seat for me and Kenny at their next show not Stan Kyle and Cartman though because they are Gaozari's what ever that means." [Romanian for Assholes.]

"Kelly went back to her family promising Kenny They'd keep in touch, He still hasn't called her back."

Shows Kenny sitting on the couch watching Tv bored while the phone rings off the hook.

"The rest of the choir kids got right back on tour after a few months of therapy."

Shows GGWK Choir rehearsing for a concert.

"Of Course Now they travel with protection."

Shows The Choir kids riding in an MRAP school bus. They're all wearing body armor and Child Tracker helmets.

((MRAP Standing for Mine Resistance Ambush Protected.))

"Craig gave the finger to Stan and the guys the entire trip back."

Shows a montage of Craig flipping off the boys the entire trip home. Boarding the plane, in flight, coming home, In the car even during the parade they held in his honor.

Conner: "Even during his personal parade."

Craig sits on a throne on a large float dressed as a king while the Boys dressed as fools hand Craig a check for $100. He smiles smugly at them and flips them off.

Cartman: "God Craig your such an asshole!"

Craig: "Yeah well for today I'm your Royal Highness Asshole now I command you to dance for me."

Cartman: "Fuck you."

Stan: "Yeah we're not your slaves."

Craig smiles, lights up his eyes and zaps at the ground with his lightening vision.

Craig: "I said dance for me!"

He fires more lightening bolts at their feet making them around to avoid them.

"I really can't blame him considering what the fruity little club tried to do to him. He still thinks I'm a unstable trigger happy nutcase but that it kinda makes me badass."

Craig walks by Conner at School with Stripe in his arms.

"Even if he does carry around that flea bitten rodent."

Stripe chirps causing Conner's eyes to dilate into a flashback.

As for Stan Kyle Cartman and Kenny there was something important they had to do when they got home.

The boys lay Chefs Body down on a pyre and Stan and Kyle put a torch to it. As the flames burn they boys take their hats off and Kenny pulls down his hood in moment of silence. Conner is also there and he salutes Chef.

"No matter what that Fruity Little Club did to scramble his brains there was once a time when he was there friend from whom they sought advice."

Light of the Force from Return of the Jedi plays as the flames consume Chef's body.

In the distance Chef's spirit appears in a Jedi apron alongside Pip Pirrup, Mrs Choksondik and Mrs Crabtree.

Conner: "As for myself I have a open road ahead of me and a new start at life."

The slide show ends as Conner and Sergeant Halfcock walk down the street. Conner is strangely dressed in civilian clothes like a normal kid instead of his fatigues and his hair is grown out into a flat top.

Sergeant Halfcock: "Are you sure you want to do this Conner? I talked it over with the Commandant in San Diego, He said it would be an honor for you to rejoin the Corps. You'd be promoted to Sergeant Major have your old life back and more."

Conner: "What old life sir? My Family's gone my life in San Diego is gone. I'll never forget what you taught me nor the camaraderie I felt in the Corps But it's come and gone. It's time for me to make a fresh start for myself, A new life."

Sergeant Halfcock: "The Pandemic everything that happened to you in this town may have been wrong but goddamn it don't hate society for it."

Conner: "Hate? I'd die for these people."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Well then what is it you want."

Conner: "What I want? I want what any other kid wants for our parents that love us as much me love them. My status in the Corps doesn't change the fact that I'm a kid and for the last year or so I've had to grow up and face a very scary very different world."

He looks over at the boys who are in the park playing basketball.

Conner "I guess all I want is second chance to be a kid again."

Sergeant Halfcock: "Well then I guess all I can say is Good luck to you Conner."

An SUV pulls up and honks it's horn.

Conner: "That's them now." He runs toward it.

Sergeant Halfcock: "How will you live Conner?"

Conner: "Day by Day!"

The Screen turns to a still of Conner running toward the SUV and a new life as normal child as a DVDA cover of Peace in our life by Frank Stallone plays.

THE END.

Credits.

Produced by Rockhead 1989.

Directed by Rockhead 1989

This has been a South Park Fan script South Park is owned by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Comedy Central and Viacom.

Conner Kurtz is the Intellectual property of RockHead 1989.

The credits end as we cut back to the ruined temple in Peru. A powerful presence clears it's way thru the jungle until it comes upon the hat of William Connelly.

?: " Yarrgh! Such a disappointment ye were I sent Craig straight into yer arms and ye let him slip thru your fingers."

The next shot reveals the Guinea Inmate formally known as the Guinea Pirate looking down at Connelly's hat. His eyes flash a crimson Red and in an instant the Guinea Pirate takes Connelly's form.

Guinea Connelly: "But your fruity little club will serve my purposes quite nicely Mark my words Craig all this will be for naught. I will have my revenge on you and your little friends and as for your little soldier He'll be seeing his brother sooner than he thinks."

The camera zooms in slowly as the Guinea pirate laughs maniacally.

The End?


End file.
